


Seen

by Susan19



Series: Seen [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-01-25 06:35:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21351832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Susan19/pseuds/Susan19
Summary: Buffy meets someone new and unexpected at the Bronze.
Relationships: Tara Maclay/Buffy Summers
Series: Seen [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826614
Comments: 7
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

Buffy sat across from Riley, trying desperately to listen to whatever it was that he was talking about. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't manage it. Her mind was anywhere, but here.

"Why is that girl staring at you?" Riley's gruff question finally got her attention.

"Huh?" Buffy looked over to see the girl that Riley had motioned to. Buffy had never seen her before, she had straight blonde hair, and she was definitely staring at Buffy. Her gaze didn't waver when she was caught. She smiled at Buffy, and the slayer was mesmerized. She hadn't felt drawn to anyone quite like this before.

Well, maybe once.

Riley snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Buffy!"

"I don't know who she is or why she's looking at me." Buffy jumped in surprise at Riley's behavior. They had only gone out a few times, and up until this moment, he seemed to be incredibly sweet. His behavior and her reaction to the stranger was confusing her, and she wasn't sure how to react.

"I'm going to go talk to her." Riley moved to stand up, and Buffy reached for his hand - pulling him back towards their table.

"Don't, she's not bothering anyone," Buffy replied, her attention again being drawn to the blonde stranger staring at her.

"She's bothering me!" Riley shouted, and Buffy had to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

"Why do you care?"

"Shouldn't I care if someone is lusting after my girlfriend?" Riley barked at her.

Buffy was surprised by the comment for several reasons. The biggest one being that she hadn't really considered herself as being Riley's girlfriend. They had gone out a few times, and he was nice enough… but she just didn't feel anything. She wanted to, he was normal, and she had convinced herself that his rugged, farmboy good looks were appealing to her.

They talked about things that had nothing to do with demons or vampires. When she was with him - she wasn't the slayer. She was just Buffy, and there was definitely some part of her that wanted to be just Buffy.

But she wasn't sure she actually enjoyed any of the time they spent together.

Riley's pager went off before she had a chance to make sense of his behavior and come up with some kind of response.

"I have to go. I'll walk you back to campus." Buffy fought her instinct to roll her eyes at his statement.

"I'm supposed to be meeting Willow," Buffy argued, it wasn't true, she just didn't want to leave. And she didn't want to have to pretend that she needed Riley to protect her.

"You know it's not safe for you to be walking alone at night," Riley argued, standing up and attempting to pull Buffy to her feet, but she resisted. Buffy hated Riley's tough-guy, protective attitude. She was not a damsel in distress and did not need his help with anything.

Buffy grit her teeth and hoped she didn't sound as impatient as she felt. "I'll be fine. I have the mace you gave me. I told Willow I would be here."

"Fine." Riley paused, "you could at least try to pretend to care that I'm leaving." He stormed off before she had a chance to say anything.

She watched Riley walk away, trying to decide if she cared. She did care - in that she was relieved that he left, which made her wonder why she ever agreed to go out with him in the first place.

She sighed and sank into her chair. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, the girl who had been watching her was now sitting across from her.

"Hi, I'm Tara." The girl smiled, and Buffy instantly felt at ease - all thoughts of Riley were gone from her mind. She sat up straighter in her seat, finding herself leaning towards the stranger.

"Buffy," Buffy replied, loving the way the girl was looking at her.

"Was that your boyfriend?" Tara asked, nodding her head towards Riley, who was still trying to work his way through the crowd.

Buffy shrugged, not taking her eyes off of Tara. "I guess."

"You're not sure?" Tara's lips curved up in a grin - completely captivating Buffy.

Buffy shrugged again, she didn't want to talk about Riley.

"Why were you here with him, then?"

Buffy sighed as she accepted that the subject of Riley couldn't just be ignored. "I don't know. He's… normal."

"Normal?" Tara asked, leaning back in her seat, with a reproachful grin. "Is that what you're looking for?"

Buffy frowned at Tara's apparent disappointment in her, "I'm not sure."

"You shouldn't have to pretend to be something you're not."

Buffy tilted her head at the stranger. What could Tara have meant by that? She couldn't know that Buffy wasn't normal.

"I'm sorry, maybe that came out wrong. It's not any kind of judgment. I'm not exactly normal myself." Tara paused and looked around the room as if she was about to reveal a secret, "I'm a witch."

"A witch? Do you ride around on a broomstick and cast spells in a cauldron?" Buffy raised a skeptical eyebrow, which was pretty absurd considering how aware she was that magic was real. But still, what were the chances that this girl was really a witch?

Tara laughed and moved forward again, leaning over the table and motioning for Buffy to come closer so she could whisper. When there was only about a foot between them, Tara gasped. Completely overwhelmed by Buffy's power. Buffy noticed the reaction but didn't understand it.

"Are you OK?" She reached for Tara's hand, hoping to comfort her. Tara didn't pull away, she couldn't even if she had wanted to.

"What are you?" It was barely a whisper. She hadn't meant to ask.

Buffy pulled back, devastated that she upset Tara or caused her any distress. "I should go. I'm sorry if I upset you."

"No, please don't go." Tara reached for Buffy this time, groaning at the overload in power once again. "I've never felt anything like you before. You are amazing."

Buffy was startled by Tara's words, no one had ever said she was amazing before, at least not in a way that didn't seem condescending. She didn't know how to take it. Buffy pulled her hand out from under Tara's, and then frowned at the loss of contact. She was tempted to reach back across the table, Tara had left her hand laying there.

Buffy wasn't sure what was happening, but the way this witch was looking at her made her feel seen in a way she hadn't felt before. "I'm a slayer." She whispered. As soon as she said it, she wanted to smack herself. Even though some people knew, it was supposed to be a secret identity. Even though she hated lying to Riley about who she was, she had never really felt compelled to tell him the way she was with Tara.

Tara's smile widened, and she stretched her hand out, hoping Buffy would reach for her again. She tried to contain her reaction when Buffy did. "What do you mean, A slayer? I thought there was only one."

Sadness crept over Buffy's face, "yeah… there's only supposed to be one. I died for a few minutes a couple of years ago."

"So a new slayer was called? Have you met her? Is she here too?" Tara was excited to meet another magical person and was not quite tuned in to Buffy's reactions to her questions. Buffy's aura was intense, but it was too muddled for Tara to make any sense of it yet. The mix and swirls of colors surrounding the slayer made it difficult for Tara to identify the tell-tale signs on Buffy's face.

Buffy's sadness intensified, "she was here… but she died. The slayer after her...she's here in Sunnydale."

"Where is she? Do you work together?"

"We did… she's in a coma."

"Oh." Tara frowned, and she started to acknowledge how upset Buffy clearly was. She decided she didn't want to push this subject any further, at least not tonight. She rubbed her thumb over Buffy's and tried to soothe her as best as she could. She watched as Buffy's energy reacted to her touch. Smiling as she thought she started to understand how a more content Buffy's energy looked. She was determined to get closer to the slayer and learn everything about her.

Buffy took a deep breath and composed herself. Kendra and Faith were in the past. If Faith ever did wake up, she would do what she could to help the other slayer. Until then, she just had to live. Buffy noticed the time and realized she still had to patrol. She really didn't want to leave Tara.

"Well, I think it's time to head out. Would you like me to walk you back to your dorm?" Buffy asked, worried that Tara would say no.

Tara smiled, "I would feel much safer with my own personal slayer escort."

Buffy felt a warmth inside her at Tara's comment.

They slowly walked back to Tara's dorm, Buffy did a great deal more talking than Tara did. Mostly Buffy explained about Sunnydale and how she had ended up there. Tara had only been in Sunnydale for a few months, and she was not all that surprised to find out there was a Hellmouth that explained the excessive demon activity in the area.

"What the hell is this?" Riley's voice called behind them when they were almost back to Tara's dorm. Buffy stopped and sighed, dropping her chin to her chest. All the happiness and comfort she had felt only moments ago, was completely wiped away by Riley's oppressive presence.

"What does it look like?" Buffy asked, not even raising her head to make eye contact with Riley.

"It looks like you're walking the girl you claimed to not even know - home." Riley huffed out with his hands on his hips.

"You didn't say he was such a genius," Tara whispered for only Buffy's ears, which made her have to stifle a giggle.

"Buffy? What the hell!? Did you lie to me?"

Buffy had raised her head to look at Tara, trying to control her laughter. She sighed and tried to answer Riley's question. "No, I didn't lie to you. She introduced herself after you left."

Riley stood back with his arms crossed, peering down at the two women. Tara easily returning his glare, a small smirk which was making him even more furious.

"You're supposed to be my girlfriend! You shouldn't be sneaking around behind my back!" Riley was yelling now and had taken a menacing step towards Tara.

With that, Buffy had had enough. She stepped between Riley and Tara. "Firstly, there's no sneaking. Well… no, that's not firstly. Firstly is that I am not your girlfriend and never was. We went out a couple of times. That's it."

"So you're dumping me for her?" Riley was incredulous and his voice raised two octaves.

Tara bit her lip to stop herself from saying anything.

"I'm not 'dumping' you. We were never together. And just because a girl was looking at me and now we're walking together, that doesn't mean we're dating either."

Riley huffed, "I'm not letting you break up with me."

Buffy's mouth dropped open and looked at Tara. Riley's pager went off before they got a chance to say anything else. He gave them both one last nasty glare and stormed off.

"Did that really just happen? Was I speaking English?" Buffy gawked at him as he walked away, thoroughly confused by his behavior.

"Seemed like you were. I understood you, I think." Tara turned away from Buffy to head into her building.

Buffy stood for a second before she realized Tara had left. She registered hurt in Tara's voice and couldn't quite understand it. She quickly followed after her, not willing to let her new friend get away. "Tara? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you didn't do anything," Tara answered honestly.

"I did something, you were disappointed, and then you just left." Buffy frowned and tried to make sense of the night. "I know Riley is a bit much, I hope he doesn't bother you about this."

Tara moved closer and touched Buffy's hand, then forced herself not to react to how it felt to make contact with the Slayer. "You didn't do anything. I just misread things. I'll see you around campus?" Tara had a lot to think about, she knew she wanted Buffy in her life - she just started to doubt that Buffy wanted the same things that she did.

Buffy once again started to watch Tara walk away for a moment before reacting and chasing after her again. "Wait. What did you misread?"

Tara sighed, she should just let this go, but she had never felt anyone like Buffy before and as much as she was worried about scaring Buffy off - the thought of not being honest wasn't something she could do. "I thought we had a connection. I thought you understood why I was looking at you and why I introduced myself."

Buffy adorably scrunched her face. "You weren't just being friendly?"

Tara chuckled at how cute Buffy was, "Friendliness was part of it."

Buffy frowned, "I don't understand. Did I do something that made you not want to be my friend? Is it the slayer thing? Cause I get that." Buffy smiled sadly. She hadn't felt this connected to anyone in a long time - but she definitely understood how Tara wouldn't want to risk being her friend. "So, yeah. I'll see you around campus. Try not to be out after dark."

This time Buffy walked away, and Tara watched her for a moment before stopping her. "I never said I didn't want to be your friend."

Buffy stopped and turned back to Tara.

"I want to be more than your friend."

"More than…?" It took Buffy a few more moments, and then she finally put it together. "Oh."

"Does that upset you?" Tara asked, fighting with herself to not just read Buffy to find out what the girl was thinking.

"No, I'm not upset." Buffy looked at Tara again and tried to decide how she felt. Just in the hour or so she'd spent with Tara, she'd laughed and had more fun than she did with anyone she'd ever dated before. Could she date a woman? She let herself think more about what that would actually mean. The more she thought about it, the more she didn't hate the idea at all. "Huh." She finally said to herself as she started to accept the idea.

"Was that a good 'huh' or a bad one?"

Buffy laughed, "it was an I have a lot to think about 'huh.'"

"Thinking about things is good." Tara smiled and took a step closer to Buffy.

Buffy considered Tara again, "you have to think about things too. Dating a slayer is not going to be easy."

"Oh? What's the problem with dating a slayer?" Tara couldn't help but grin, seeing that Buffy was not entirely off the idea of them dating.

"There are all kinds of problems. But mostly, we get hurt - a lot. I already died once, there's a very good chance I will again."

Tara did not like the sound of Buffy dying at all. She considered pointing out how helpful she might be but sensed that would lead to Buffy pushing her away to protect her. Buffy was entirely selfless and would willingly endure suffering so that others wouldn't, this is something Tara could tell without even having to read her. "I am confident that it will be worth having you in my life, no matter what you decide."

Buffy smiled, "OK… it's late, and I still have to patrol. Maybe we could have lunch tomorrow?"

"I'd like that." Tara offered with a smile.

Buffy waited for Tara to enter her building and disappear up the stairs, before heading back out into the night to patrol.

Patrol ended up being quite uneventful, which was a good thing because Buffy was very distracted. The more she thought about being in a relationship with Tara - the more excited she became.

She'd only dated one other person who knew who she was, and that wasn't exactly perfect - but Tara wasn't Angel. Angel had been secrets and hidden agendas and of course soul-stealing curses. Tara wasn't any of those things. And Buffy wasn't the same naive girl she was then either.

When Buffy slid into bed after a boring night of slaying, she closed her eyes with a smile on her face. For the first time, in as long as she could remember - she was looking forward to what the next day would bring.


	2. Chapter 2

"Buffy!" Willow shouted as soon as she saw that Buffy was awake.

"Hey, Willow. You're awfully cheery this morning." Buffy rubbed her face and stretched as she tried to wake herself up to start the day.

"I went to that Wicca group yesterday, and I met a witch there! A real witch!"

Buffy kept her facial expression as happy as she could, "that's really great."

"Her name is Tara, and we're going to work on some spells tonight!" Willow was practically beaming. Buffy hadn't seen Willow this excited about anything since Oz had left.

"I'm happy you found someone… to practice spells with." She quickly added.

"You were out late last night, did you have a good night with Riley?" Willow asked as she was gathering her clothes in preparation for heading to the showers.

"Ugh. I'm pretty much done with him." Buffy wasn't happy to talk about Riley, but she was glad to not talk about Tara anymore.

"Oh, no! What happened? You two seemed great together." Buffy tried not to wince at the misguided sympathy in Willow's voice.

Buffy shrugged, "I don't know. He's so pushy and boring. I'm just not into him."

"That's too bad. I'm sure you'll find someone you connect with."

Buffy sighed, she thought she had found someone she connected with, but Willow made a much better partner to Tara than Buffy ever could. As much as it hurt her to make the decision - she knew it was the only option. She'd tell Tara at lunch that she just wanted to be friends. It didn't matter that Tara made her feel alive and hopeful, her friend needed that more than she did.

All the enthusiasm she had for this day was gone, she daydreamed through her morning classes, not wanting to think about lunch. If she thought about meeting with Tara, her stomach would tense up on her, and she really didn't need that.

Things got even worse when she got in line for lunch and saw Willow and Tara sitting together. They were leaning towards each other, laughing and smiling. She couldn't remember the last time she saw Willow looking so happy. She sucked in a breath and nodded to herself, deciding she could deal with just being friends with Tara, especially seeing how happy her best friend was.

"Hey, guys." She said, dropping her tray as far away from Tara as she could. "This is the Tara you were telling me you met at the Wicca meeting?" She saw the confusion flicker on Tara's face and ignored it - hoping that Tara wouldn't call her out.

"Yes! We were just going over what spells we were going to work on tonight." Willow shifted to reveal the notebook that was between them.

"What have you got planned?" Buffy asked, pointedly not looking at Tara.

"I'll tell you after, I've got to run to class." Willow was up and out of the cafeteria before Buffy could even say anything.

"What was that about?" Tara asked once Willow was gone.

"What?" Buffy shoved a bite of salad into her mouth, trying to avoid having an actual conversation with Tara. Now that they were alone, her decision wasn't seeming quite as easy to her. She had spent much of last night's patrol thinking about what things would be like with Tara. Now she was trying to focus on her friend's needs above her own wants.

"Pretending like you didn't already know me."

"I didn't."

Tara sighed and leaned back in her seat. "I guess you decided against dating me?"

"Yeah, I think that's for the best." Buffy nodded, again stuffing salad into her mouth so she couldn't say much.

"No, you don't. You think Willow likes me and that we'd be a better match." Tara replied evenly, trying not to let her frustration show.

Buffy furrowed her brow, wondering if Tara could read her mind. "It doesn't have anything to do with that. I just don't think I can deal with dating anyone right now."

Tara thought of how she could salvage this situation. She hadn't completely decoded Buffy's aura, but she was starting to get a sense of what Buffy was feeling. She was sure Buffy was just self-sacrificing. There was no denying that Willow was intriguing to her and that she wanted to remain friends with the witch. But Buffy was the one that she wanted, Buffy was the one that made her feel things that she never thought she'd feel.

Tara didn't know the history between Buffy and Willow - but it was obvious to her that they were very close friends. Tara would just have to take her time and give Buffy a chance to realize that they were meant to be together. There was hope that if Willow didn't show any interest in her, that Buffy would see that there was no reason for them not to be together.

Buffy wolfed down her food and made some half-assed excuse to leave lunch early. Tara didn't bother to call her on it, she knew it wouldn't do any good in her goal of getting closer to the slayer.

Buffy didn't really have anywhere to go, so she just hid out in her dorm room. Collapsing onto her bed and burying her face in a pillow

"Buffy?"

Willow managed to sneak into the room without Buffy noticing.

"Hey, Will." Buffy sat up and tried to hide her surprise.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, I just had some time to kill... So I was taking a nap."

"Right." Willow looked at her with narrowed eyes. "Are you sure you're OK?"

"Of course, I am. Just a late night. Thought I'd try to catch up on sleep." Buffy stretched and yawned completely unconvincingly. "I think I'm going to hit the library now, though. I'll see you later."

Buffy ran out of the room and because she didn't actually have anywhere else to go - ended up hiding out in the library until her next class.

She successfully hid from Willow the rest of the day, only returning to their room when she saw that Willow had left to meet with Tara.

Buffy sat at her desk, tapping her pencil and totally failing to work on the paper that she was supposed to be writing. She couldn't help but wonder what Willow and Tara were doing.

"Buffy?" Buffy almost fell out of her chair with surprise. She had been so lost in thought that she didn't even notice Willow entering the room for the second time today. She was really going to need to do something about her awareness of her surroundings. A distracted slayer was a dead slayer.

"I thought you were doing spells with Tara?" She hoped her question didn't sound as forced as it felt.

"We can do spells any time, I wanted to make sure you were OK. You seemed upset earlier. Is it because of Riley?" Willow asked, and Buffy could tell by Willow's concerned look that Willow knew something. She wondered if Tara had told her what happened.

Buffy blew out her breath, "I'm not upset - and I don't care about Riley."

"It's funny… cause I just ran into him."

"I find it hard to believe running into him could ever be funny," Buffy replied with very little humor.

"Yeah… well… he seemed to think that the reason you broke up with him was because of Tara. But how does that make sense, since you met her after you broke up - plus why would she be the reason anyway?"

"I met her last night at the Bronze, we talked, I walked her back to the dorms - he saw us together and assumed some things."

"Why didn't you tell me that?"

"It didn't seem like that big of a deal."

Willow huffed, "why do you seem so glum if there isn't some sort of big deal here?"

"I'm not glum - I just have this paper to write. You should go back and spend time with Tara. I know how excited you are to have another witch to practice with."

The silence went on long enough that Buffy began to believe that Willow might actually leave this issue alone. "Do you like her?" Willow asked, and Buffy tried not to groan.

"Sure, she seems nice." Buffy shrugged and begged for this conversation to be over. She was almost willing to actually think about the paper if that would get Willow to leave.

"Buffy, come on. I know you, and there is something you aren't telling me. If you're worried I'm going to freak out because you want to date a girl - I'm not."

Buffy shook her head, "Nothing is going on here. I met Tara, she seems nice, and I'm sure it will be great to have another magic user around."

"So you won't mind if I asked her out?"

Buffy tried her best to control her reaction to the question, "no, of course not."

Willow crossed her arms and stared Buffy down, moving into her personal space. "What is the matter with you?"

"What?" Buffy was surprised by how close suddenly Willow was. She made a mental note to ask Giles to up her training and to actually pay attention to said training.

"You obviously like this girl, and she likes you, so why are you pretending like you don't care?"

Buffy frowned, not sure how there was anything obvious about how she felt about Tara. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"You know she met me first, right? And that she asked you out and not me?"

Buffy frowned, "who said she asked me out?"

"She did!"

"Oh."

"Buffy. I love the hell out of you, but you are being ridiculous. Yes, I was excited to meet another witch. Yes, I think Tara is awesome. But I absolutely do not have any interest in dating her."

"But…"

"No, but. There is no but here. You want to date her, and I want to be her witchy friend. There is no problem! You don't have to sacrifice what you want for me."

"You're sure? You seemed so excited when you talked about her. I haven't seen you look that excited about anything since…" Buffy hesitated at even mentioning Oz's name. Willow had been doing better lately, and she didn't want to incite a backslide.

"Yeah, I was excited, and I still am. You deserve to be happy, Buffy. You should go find her, I think she'll be at the Bronze by now."

Buffy looked back that the material she needed for her paper and frowned. "I really do have to write this paper."

"Yeah, but you aren't going to - not until you talk to her. If you're not back in a couple of hours, I'll throw something together for you."

Buffy chuckled, "I can't ask you to do that."

"You didn't ask… now go!" Willow was forcibly pulling Buffy out of her chair and pushing her out of their room. Buffy easily could have resisted, but she really didn't want to.

She silently pleaded with the local vampires to let her make it to the Bronze without any hassle. She was too distracted thinking about Tara, and the superficial part of her didn't want her clothes to get dirty.

Luckily, she arrived at the Bronze without incident. Buffy began to panic slightly when she saw Tara sitting across from another woman. Tara met her gaze, and Buffy instantly calmed - keeping her distance from the pair.

Buffy watched as Tara suggested to the woman that they head somewhere more private. Buffy followed discretely and staked the vampire as soon as they were outside.

"Hey," Buffy said once the vampire was gone. Tara was somewhat trapped between Buffy and a brick wall.

"Hey," Tara replied a little warily. She wasn't quite sure what Buffy was doing here, but she hoped that her conversation with Willow took care of any concerns that Buffy may have had.

"I'm sorry… I don't... " Then Buffy frowned and wondered what she was going to do. This was all kinds of a new situation for her.

"Thanks for saving me." Tara ignored the apology and tried to draw Buffy into the moment.

"Kinda risky, talking up a vamp like that." Buffy grinned and felt compelled to move a little closer to Tara.

"I figured I was safe as long as we stayed in public. I hoped a slayer in shining armor would rescue me." Tara grinned, and Buffy melted at the smile, which had been consuming most of her thoughts since she'd first seen it.

"You told Willow that you asked me out," Buffy said after a few moments of silence.

"She was worried about how upset you were. She thought it was about Riley, I suggested that it might be something else."

"Oh." Buffy frowned, not sure what to think.

"Are you upset that I told her?"

Buffy shook her head.

"I only said anything because she said she was going to track Riley down and see if she could convince him to take you back. I really didn't think you wanted that."

Buffy cringed at the idea of having to fend Riley off again, "thank you. That would not have been of the good."

The silence hung in the air, and Tara started to doubt that Buffy had come to the Bronze to find her after all.

"I guess I'll go back inside - since I've been rescued." Tara started to move around Buffy, but Buffy blocked her path.

"You really don't want to be with Willow? You want to be with me?"

Tara smiled and relaxed slightly, "yes. I want to be with you."

"I'm kind of a mess. And you'll be in danger all the time."

"You're not a mess, you have a lot of responsibility, and it weighs on you."

Buffy was quiet for a while, trying to decide how she felt about all this. "So, what happens now?"

"Well, we can talk some more..." Tara suggested - hoping that prospect of talking wouldn't scare Buffy away.

"Right, talking." Then Buffy frowned, "I have to write a paper, and I still need to go on patrol." She shifted back and forth on her feet in agitation. All she wanted to do was talk to Tara, and maybe other things. Buffy smiled briefly as she imagined what she and Tara could be doing. "Damn demons - always getting in the way." She mumbled to herself before returning her attention to Tara. Then she hesitated and looked down at her feet, "do you think…"

Tara raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"Would it be OK if I kissed you?" Buffy asked nervously.

"You want to kiss me?" Buffy was a little startled at the surprise and fear suddenly in Tara's voice. If she had been able to look at Tara's face before asking the question - she definitely wouldn't have.

"Well… yeah… but only if you want me to." Buffy tried not to freak out, wondering if she had completely misunderstood everything with Tara so far. Tara had said she wanted to date - but maybe her definition was different than Buffy's.

Tara backed up a step, almost to the point where she hit the wall. "We should probably talk."

Buffy realized that her actions since entering the alley could be seen as aggressive, and clearly, Tara wasn't into that. Buffy kept her smile light and backed further away. "Sure, talking is good. Can I walk you back to your dorm?"

Tara stiffened slightly and frowned - her eyes darting around Buffy, looking for any path to escape. "I think I'm going to stick around here a while longer. You have that paper to write." Tara tripped over her words, and all the confidence Buffy had seen in her so far was gone. Buffy knew what fear looked like - she saw it every time she saved someone. Tara was suddenly terrified of her, and Buffy couldn't understand why.

"Oh. Yeah. Sure." Buffy was very confused at this turn of events. "I guess I'll go - do that - then." Buffy had already been moving away from Tara, but now she pressed herself to the side of the alley as much as possible without it being obvious that was her intent.

She watched Tara slink by and re-enter the Bronze dejectedly. Her shoulders slumped as she turned back in the direction of the dorms. Things did not get better when she saw the shape of a man at the end of the alley.

"Buffy?"

She tried not to groan. "Hey, Riley."

"What are you doing out here? You know it's not safe to be out alone when it's dark." Riley had his hands on his hips, she felt like she was being scolded by an over-protective parent.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. Heading back to my dorm now."

"Great, I'll walk with you."

Buffy couldn't think of a way to get him to go away, so she said nothing.

"Where's your girlfriend?" He asked, the bitterness evident in his question.

"I don't have a girlfriend. Even if I did, I don't see how it's any of your business." She snapped back at him. She was not at all in the mood to be friendly or placate him.

"We can't be friends?"

Buffy sighed heavily, "sure, we can be friends. But only if you aren't planning on harassing me about my other friends." She hoped that Tara was still going to be her friend, but she really wasn't sure.

Riley held up his hands in defeat.

"..and it would be really great if you could come." Riley finished, and Buffy realized that he had been talking to her for quite some time.

She wasn't sure what he was inviting her to, but she knew she didn't want to go. But she also didn't want this conversation to go on any longer than it had already. "I'll think about it."

"Great. See you there." He grinned and pulled her into a hug. She was too startled to push him away or to point out that she only said she'd think about going to whatever he had invited her to.

Finally, she squirmed out of his hug and ran into her building.

Willow looked up from her computer when Buffy stumbled into their room and dropped face down on her bed. "Did you find her?"

"Yeah, I found her." Buffy sat back up and rubbed her face with her hands.

"Well… what happened?" Willow asked cautiously.

"I saved her from a vampire, then she said she wanted to go back inside and that I should work on my paper." Buffy shrugged, wishing Riley hadn't found her so she could take her frustration out on something evil.

Willow frowned. "But…"

Buffy huffed and stood up - moving to her desk and sitting down heavily. She did her best to push all thoughts of Tara out of her mind. She'd get this paper written and head back out for patrol.

"I put together an outline for you." Willow slid a piece of paper across Buffy's desk.

"Thank you. I really appreciate that." Buffy was far more excited about this outline than anyone has ever been about an outline in the history of time. It gave her a very easy to follow steps, and she was finally able to move past her crushing heartache and work on getting her paper written.

When she put the finishing touches on her paper, she saved the document and reclined back in her chair. The satisfaction at a job well done was short-lived when she noticed Willow was watching her.

"What's up?"

"I just… I thought… you can tell me what happened. I'm not going to judge you or anything. You know that, right?"

"Of course I know that, Will. I just… I have no idea what happened. We were in the alley, and I thought something was happening. Then I asked if I could kiss her."

"Woah." Willow's smile dropped when she noticed that Buffy was frowning heavily.

"I guess that was too much pressure, or she changed her mind." Buffy shrugged and stood up. "Time for patrol. See you later?"

"Wait - do you want me to talk to her for you?" Willow was possibly just as confused as Buffy was. She was very sure that Tara liked Buffy, and she couldn't imagine what Buffy could have done to change that.

Buffy shook her head. "No, please don't. I don't want to get between you two. If she asks about me, just tell her…." Then Buffy trailed off, having no idea what would be the right thing to say. "I don't know. Just don't let whatever I did get between you two. "

"But…" Willow started to argue.

"It's OK, Willow." Buffy plastered on a fake smile and ran out of the room before Willow could say anything else.

Buffy did her best to avoid Willow or Tara for the next few days. She spent every spare moment either at home with her mother or training at the Magic Box.

Buffy knocked on Giles' door and poked her head in to let him know she was ready to train. "Hey, Giles…." Then she stopped short as she saw Tara sitting there, panic written clearly on her face. "Um. I'll just be in the back." Then she quickly shut the door and ran into the training area. She should have realized that Tara would make use of the Magic Box, she had just never seen her there before. Frowning as she would now have to avoid the only other place she had to go - she began to wail on the punching bag without taping her hands or warming up.

She couldn't figure out how her life had gotten so complicated.

"Buffy, is everything OK?" Giles was in the doorway of the training area. Buffy didn't even have to turn around to see his look of concern. A look she was not at all ready to deal with.

"Yeah, everything is fine," Buffy replied without hesitation, barely stopping her assault on the bag long enough to respond.

"Did you know that young woman I was speaking to?"

Buffy finally stopped punching and leaned against the bag. "I've seen her around campus." Buffy wanted to ask why Tara was there - but she wouldn't invade Tara's privacy that way.

"It was strange, she was inquiring about a job here, but then changed her mind rather abruptly."

Buffy grimaced. Now she was ruining everything for Tara. She wasn't sure how to fix this without explaining further. "I think I'm going to take a break from training for a while."

"You have been working yourself quite hard lately. You do deserve a few days off."

"No… I mean… I don't know what I mean. I just… won't be coming around here anymore."

"Buffy? Please tell me what's going on. Did you have an altercation with that woman?" Giles' kind and fatherly question only made her feel worse about what she had done.

Without answer, Buffy walked past him and out of the store entirely. Only when she got outside did she notice her hands were bleeding. Groaning in misery, she shoved them into her tight pants pocket and headed home.


	3. Chapter 3

"Willow? Can you help me with a spell I'm working on?" Tara asked, nervously. She was surprised but also grateful that Willow continued to practice magic with her. The fact that Willow hadn't mentioned anything about Buffy made her wonder if they were really as close of friends as she initially thought.

"Of course!" Willow smiled widely. Learning new spells was quite possibly Willow's favorite thing. "What's the spell?" Tara handed her the spellbook, and Willow began to read. "You're trying to learn a demon identification spell?"

"Right. I've been struggling with the translation, I was hoping you could help." Tara was silently begging Willow not to ask any more details about this spell. Truthfully, she didn't need help with the translation - she had already tried the spell several times on her own, but she didn't trust the results.

"No problem. We can get the supplies at the Magic Box." Willow began gathering her belongings for the trek to the Magic Box.

Tara quickly shook her head, "I don't want to go there."

"Why not?" Then something clicked for Willow, "you're worried about seeing Buffy there." Willow had been more than a little worried about Buffy's behavior lately. Buffy had barely even spoken to her since the slayer had last seen Tara.

"No…" Tara stammered out, not yet ready to explain and wondering what Buffy had said about their last interaction.

"She mentioned the other day that she wasn't going to go there anymore. So you don't need to worry." Willow gave her a reassuring smile, and now Tara was worried for a different reason.

Tara frowned. "I… just…"

"Hey look, whatever happened between you two - you don't need to worry, she would never hurt you, and she feels terrible for putting too much pressure on you."

Tara pushed out a breath, relieved that Buffy apparently hadn't gone into any details of what happened. It didn't occur to her that Buffy had no idea of what happened. "She didn't do anything."

"Do you want to talk about it? Something must have happened. But I promised her I wouldn't interfere, but you're my friend too - if you're hurting, maybe I can help?" Willow asked, hoping she wasn't betraying Buffy's request by offering to help.

Tara's eyes darted to the spellbook.

"Wait… is this for you? You think you're a demon?" Willow's eyes widened as she started putting everything together.

Tara grunted and bowed her head in shame. She had already lost her chance with Buffy, and now she was going to lose Willow too. "My family… All the women turn into demons on their 20th birthday."

Willow laughed, and Tara's eyes narrowed at Willow's seemingly callous response. "Oh - I'm sorry… just that sounds kinda crazy. Are the men demons?"

"No…" Tara furrowed her brow, not understanding Willow's reaction.

"OK, well. I guess I can't say for positive - but that really doesn't sound true. Being a demon isn't like a recessive gene that gets passed down. And besides, there are all kinds of demons. They're not even all evil. Let's go to the Magic Box and try this spell." Willow held her hand out to help pull Tara to standing.

Tara didn't move right away, and Willow looked back at her. "You're worried that Buffy will slay you?"

"Isn't that what she does?" Tara was starting to realize how absurd the family legends were. Even so - she couldn't help but worry that there was some truth to them.

"Only the evil kind. Even if you are a demon, unless you're hurting people, you wouldn't be slay-worthy."

"Oh." Tara frowned again, "but what if I just haven't turned evil yet?"

Willow sighed, "I can't answer that. But look - we'll do this spell and find out for sure if there's even anything to worry about." Tara wasn't quite ready to give in and Willow huffed impatiently. "I haven't seen her this upset since Angel - if this spell can help - you have to try."

Tara finally stood and followed Willow to the Magic Box. As terrifying as it was - if they could get her answers, she had to do everything possible.

"I do agree that the likelihood that you are a demon is low - however, I must insist that Buffy be present for this test," Giles said when they explained their reasoning.

Willow looked at Tara, waiting to see what she would say.

"I understand." Tara nodded, expecting this reaction. If Buffy did need to slay her, it would be better to get it over with right away. She didn't want to take any chances that she might hurt someone.

It took a lot of convincing, but twenty minutes later, Buffy arrived in the Magic Box. She kept her distance from Tara and did not speak to or even look at her. She stood casually, leaning against the wall furthest from Tara and waited while the magic users set up the test. It made her feel slightly better to know that Tara's change in attitude came because she thought she was a demon and not because Buffy had done something wrong.

There were still a lot of unanswered questions, but Buffy hoped it would make sense once this test was complete.

They all watched as the small grey cloud puffed up from the small pot that had been placed in front of Tara. Eyes quickly went to Giles for him to confirm what the grey cloud meant.

"Negative. You are not a demon." He said with authority. Willow let out a girly squeal and hugged Tara. Buffy joined in and hugged her too, pressing a small kiss to her cheek without thinking. Tara froze, and Buffy instantly backed away.

"Since my slayer services are no longer needed, I'll head out." Buffy was careful not to let her disappointment show as she quickly left the training area to head home. She had hoped that once the demon issue was cleared up that Tara would still be interested in dating her, but that didn't seem to be the case.

She slowly meandered home, trying to decide what to do next. It was impractical to keep avoiding the Magic Box. Giles was hounding her daily to get back into her routine, but she just didn't want to go there.

She dropped heavily onto her bed and stared up at the ceiling. Tugging Mr. Gordo tightly to her chest, she tried to piece together what she had done wrong.

The phone rang, and she didn't answer it. There wasn't anyone she wanted to talk to. Besides, she didn't really live here anymore - even though she had been spending a lot more time here and had moved most of her belongings back into her room.

Her mother hadn't seemed to mind, though there were quite a few questions as to why Buffy had seemed so down lately.

Buffy dragged herself over to her desk, hoping that she could find some way to focus on her school work. For the past few weeks, it had been a welcome distraction - she was actually doing quite well in most of her classes. But after today - she just couldn't bring herself to focus.

She just couldn't understand how Tara had been so brazen in her attraction only to turn so abruptly in the other direction. There wasn't anything Buffy could do to even figure out what she had done wrong. She just chalked it up as further evidence that she was meant to be alone. Any time she had been attracted to someone - it had ended in disaster. At least this was over before anyone could really get hurt.

There was a knock at the door, and she ignored it. After another series of knocks, she made her way downstairs to tell whoever it was to go away.

"Hi." Tara was standing outside, and Buffy gasped. Tara was the last person she was expecting to see.

"Um… hi." Buffy stepped back further from the door - not wanting to seem at all intimidating or threatening.

"Can I come in?" Tara asked after a few moments of them awkwardly staring at each other.

Buffy hesitated, she didn't want to make Tara feel uncomfortable. "I can come outside."

Tara smiled, "I'd rather come in. If that's OK?"

"Sure, OK." Buffy moved back, allowing room for Tara to enter. She wanted to leave the door open but decided that would be overkill, so she closed it.

She motioned to the living room, leaving Tara plenty of room to pass before following and standing behind a chair while Tara opted to sit on the couch.

"You've been neglecting your training?" Tara asked with a raised eyebrow. It was apparent how uncomfortable Buffy was, and she was trying to distract her while finding the confidence she needed to explain everything.

That was the last thing Buffy was expecting Tara to say. "No... I mean... I've been training on my own." Buffy shrugged. "I wanted you to feel safe - if you wanted to take a job at the Magic Box," Buffy admitted quietly.

Tara nodded, "will you sit with me?" She patted the couch next to her, but Buffy was too confused to comply - instead, she sat in the chair she had been standing behind.

Tara sighed, "I'm really sorry."

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Buffy asked, completely shocked by the apology.

"You must be confused. After the way, I acted at first… and then how I pushed you away. I'd like to explain."

Buffy frowned and looked down at her lap. Her hands were clenched painfully together. "I… you don't owe me any explanations."

"Buffy," Tara said softly and waited for Buffy to look up. "You didn't do anything wrong. Yes, I panicked when you asked if you could kiss me… but that was all my issues." Tara took a deep breath. "My family always told me I was a demon. And mostly, I never believed in any of that. It seemed ridiculous. I knew I had magic, but it was so hard to believe it came from anything evil."

Tara paused, and Buffy patiently waited.

"When I met you… I… I'm not like that. I've always been very shy, but something about you… I just… I needed to know you. I forgot all about what my family told me. I just… all I knew was that I wanted to be close to you." Tara knew she was greatly understating how shy she is around anyone else. She still had hope that Buffy would be willing to date her and wasn't quite ready to reveal what a stuttering mess she usually was.

Buffy wiped at her cheek, tears were forming for so many reasons right now. She stayed silent, letting Tara get out everything she needed to.

"When you said you wanted to kiss me… it scared me. Not because you did anything wrong… but because… I was afraid that you'd see something evil in me. I was afraid you would judge me… I… I was afraid you would have to kill me because I was a demon. But I was never actually afraid of you - not you or anything you did."

Buffy wiped her tears again.

"Does that make sense?"

Buffy nodded, "I see what you are saying. I think."

"Willow told me how guilty you felt... I'm sorry I didn't do more to help you with that. You didn't do anything wrong. All of the mistakes were mine. Do you believe me?"

"I… I don't know." Buffy clenched her jaw, hating everything about how she's felt lately. She was still hoping that something in what Tara was trying to tell her meant that they could be together - but she needed to understand exactly what happened first. "You knew I was a slayer from the start. So I don't understand how you knew that… but you still wanted to date me, then suddenly you were terrified of me."

Tara sighed, "You are a vampire slayer… up until you mentioned demons - I didn't really put together that you hunted them too. I didn't even believe that demons were actually real. Once I realized that they were - all of the things my family told me came rushing back." Tara frowned. "I meant to talk to you the next day - I wanted to - but I wasn't even sure what to say. So then I thought I could find out more about demons and you from the Magic Box. When I saw you there… I panicked again."

Buffy frowned and looked down at her feet. Then she smiled slightly as she remembered pointing out the same incongruity about her being a vampire slayer to Giles when they first met.

"OK… so that all makes sense… what about today? Even after you knew you weren't a demon - you were still afraid of me."

Instead of answering right away, Tara stood and crossed the space to sit in the chair next to Buffy. "I'm not sure how I was feeling at that moment." Tara gently reached over to turn Buffy's face to meet hers. "I'm not afraid of you now."

"You're not?" Buffy asked, keeping eye contact and feeling her heart race. The way Tara was looking at her reminded her of the first night they met.

Tara shook her head.

"So if I ask you again - if I can kiss you…." Buffy trailed off, her nervousness taking over - also the realization that they were in her mother's house - who might be home at any minute.

"Are you asking?" Tara replied with a smirk.

Buffy grinned but shook her head. "No, not here."

"Oh - but a dirty alley is a good place for a first kiss?" Tara joked, wanting to keep things light and flirty. She had a feeling they hadn't worked through all their issues yet.

Buffy laughed, "I did just save your life."

"That's true, you did. Do you ask kisses from all the people you save?"

Buffy grinned, "not usually. Maybe it's a thing I'll try out."

Tara huffed and folded her arms over her chest in a fake pout, "and here I was hoping it was only me."

Buffy smiled nervously and looked down at her lap. "We should probably talk. Like you wanted to before."

"Of course, though, we covered what it was that I wanted to talk about."

"You terrify me," Buffy said, quietly - her knuckles turning white from how tightly she was gripping her hands together.

"What? Why would I scare you?"

Buffy took a deep breath and tried to relax. "It's not you exactly… I just…"

"Angel?" Tara pushed slightly, guessing at what was upsetting Buffy so much.

"What do you know about Angel?" The surprise in Buffy's voice made her doubt her assumptions of what Buffy had been thinking about.

"Oh, not much... Willow just made a comment… so I thought..." Tara trailed off, feeling like she had invaded Buffy's privacy, even though Willow had barely mentioned Angel, and Tara hadn't pressed her for any details.

"Angel is part of it. But it's more than that." Buffy looked at Tara and narrowed her eyes, not in an aggressive way - just as if she was trying to make a decision. "I can't afford to be wrong about people."

"You weren't wrong about me." Tara countered.

"Maybe. But the way it felt… I knew you were a good person, and you were terrified of me. I couldn't even come close to figuring out what I had done wrong or how to make it better."

"I really am sorry." Tara wanted to explain how she didn't think the slayer had even given her a second thought, but she didn't want to shift any blame to Buffy. It was entirely Tara's fault that Buffy had been so upset, and she knew it.

Buffy nodded, everything Tara said made sense to her - but she needed Tara to know exactly who she was before they continued. "Can I show you something?"

"Of course." Tara was immensely relieved that Buffy wasn't just kicking her out of the house and refusing to ever speak to her again.

Buffy stood and held out her hand, "we'll have to walk there." Tara accepted the offered hand and followed Buffy outside.

"So - Angel…" Buffy started and then stalled out.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Tara wanted to know everything about Buffy - but she was also leary of what she was about to find out. Buffy's aura was swirling chaos, Tara couldn't even begin to discern what the woman was feeling.

Buffy stopped walking for a moment, "Angel is a vampire."

Tara sucked in a surprised breath, and Buffy winced at the reaction. Tara didn't completely freak out, though - so Buffy held on to some hope that after she explained, Tara would still at least be willing to be her friend.

"He has his soul - or he did… then he didn't, and now he does again." Then Buffy sighed. It seemed like Tara was going to let her get away with that abbreviated version of what happened, but the whole point of this was to let Tara know what she was getting into.

"He was truly evil as a vampire, the things he did…" Buffy frowned, remembering how evil soulless Angel was - hurt her even now. "He was cursed by a group of Romani with his soul. He was forced to suffer with the pain of all the damage he had done - but there was a loophole. One true moment of happiness would release his soul."

Buffy frowned as she continued to talk. "He didn't know about the loophole. We had known each other for a while… and on my 17th birthday ..."

Tara gasped, "being with you was his one true moment of happiness?" Tara tried to contain her surprise, but she wasn't sure it worked. Buffy was still lost in her thoughts and hadn't really noticed Tara's reaction.

"After… he… it was so bad…" Buffy shook the painful memories away. "He figured out how to awaken this demon. Willow managed to re-ensoul him - but by then it was too late. The only way to stop everyone from dying - was to kill him. I had no choice."

Tara was confused now since Buffy started by saying that Angel **is** a vampire - meaning still around.

"A few months later - he came back from the hell dimension I sent him to. He still had his soul…" Buffy trailed off as she collected her thoughts. "It took a while to make sense of why he was back and what we meant to each other. Eventually, we had to accept that it was just too hard to be near each other, and he moved to LA."

Tara was surprised when they approached the hospital and then slipped around the side to sneak into a basement door. She followed Buffy silently through the darkened hallway, not at all sure what to expect. It was obvious to her that Buffy had made this journey many times.

Buffy finally stopped outside of one of the rooms. Tara had to resist reaching into Buffy's mind, it wouldn't be fair to either of them to cheapen whatever Buffy was about to reveal.

Buffy took in a breath and steeled herself before stepping into the room. Tara followed a moment later.

The room was not brightly lit, and it took Tara a moment to figure out what she was looking at. The aura of the woman lying there was dim and completely chaotic. Tara had never seen such a damaged aura before, she was nervous about getting too close. Even as damaged and chaotic as it was, Tara recognized similar threads of energy in Buffy.

"This is the other slayer?"

"Faith." Buffy frowned. "Her name is Faith - and I did this to her."

Tara didn't understand why Buffy was showing her this. Nor could she even begin to imagine how Buffy could have been brought to the point where she tried to kill the other slayer.

Buffy wiped at her face. "When she came here - I was in a really bad place… and I didn't let her in like I should have. I didn't let her know…"

Then she moved closer to the bed, the anger in her energy starting to overtake the other emotions. "She sided with a demon that was trying to kill the entire town. She poisoned Angel to distract me. But I don't think she knew the antidote was slayer blood. I decided I was going to take hers."

Buffy grimaced and then backed away from the bed. Her anger dissipating and again being replaced with the torrent of confused emotions that Tara saw earlier.

"Anyway - I'm not exactly sure why I wanted you to see her. I could have just told you what happened. I just didn't want you to misunderstand what I am. What I'm capable of."

Then Buffy turned to Tara and motioned that they should leave the room. Tara was very confused as to Buffy's intentions. She must still want them to be friends at least - otherwise, there would be no reason to have shown her Faith.

When they were finally back outside, Buffy took in a deep breath of night air. "If you want to walk away from me right now - I completely understand."

"I don't," Tara said immediately, and Buffy smiled.

"OK, good. I don't want you to either. I'm sorry if that was strange - but you need to know that everything about me and my life is strange. Whether we're friends… or something more… you need to know what you're getting yourself into. Being in my life at all is dangerous."

"I have no problem with strange. I know your life is full of scary and dangerous things. But you are not scary and dangerous."

Buffy opened her mouth to argue, but Tara silenced her with a gentle finger to her lips.

"I have no doubt that you can be - when you need to be. But that's not who you are. I can see who you are - I can see your goodness in everything you do."

Buffy looked back towards the hospital - her face locked in a pained grimace.

Tara gently turned Buffy to face her. "Do you think it's your fault that she's in there?"

"Of course, it is!" Buffy stepped back, "I tried to kill her!"

Tara tried to stay calm, in the hopes that she could get Buffy to calm down. "Why didn't you kill her?"

"What?" Buffy was disarmed by the question - she had never thought about it before. "I... she got away."

"Did she get away - or did you let her get away?"

"I don't know... what does that matter anyway? I still stuck a knife into her." Buffy looked down at her hands and frowned.

Tara took a step back, realizing she definitely took the wrong tact with this discussion. "What do you think would have happened if you hadn't? If she was there for the final battle with this demon?"

Buffy frowned, and Tara continued.

"Would you both have been able to survive that? Would more people have gotten hurt?"

"I don't know - maybe I could have reached her..." Then Buffy shook her head, remembering the pure fury that was Faith during their brutal fight.

"Buffy." Tara gently raised Buffy's chin to look into her eyes. "You did what you had to do to keep people safe." A few other ideas occurred to Tara as she tried to convince Buffy that she hadn't made a mistake. The main thought being - Buffy must not have thought the other slayer was beyond redemption.

Buffy wanted to argue, Tara didn't know the truth of how Buffy felt at that moment. Nor how she had felt every day since that moment.

But seeing Tara's bright blue eyes staring back at her - caused her argument to die before it could fully form in her mind. "Can I walk you home?" Buffy asked instead and held out her hand. Buffy had never imagined she would be the hand-holding type, but with Tara, she found she couldn't get enough contact.

"Yes, please." Tara smiled and eagerly took the offered hand in hers.

They were walking for a few minutes when Buffy stiffened and then released Tara's hand. They stopped walking, and Buffy motioned for Tara to stay. Tara watched as Buffy transformed. Her energy brightening and power levels rising. Tara was in total awe as Buffy approached the oncoming vampires with a terrifying grin.

Tara was mesmerized by Buffy as she tore into the vampires. She had never seen anything even remotely on par with the display Buffy was putting on. If Tara hadn't already been smitten by Buffy, she was now. There wasn't a thing the slayer could have said or done to change how Tara felt about her.

When the slaying was done. Buffy turned to her, and Tara gasped at what she saw. Buffy's aura was off the charts with energy. Tara could feel it from ten feet away, and as the slayer stalked towards her, she was reasonably sure of how this night was going to end.

Buffy's confidence started to wane once Tara's door was being opened. She had only once before given into this feeling, and things could not have gone more wrong.

"Do you want to come in?" Tara asked when she saw that Buffy was just standing in the doorway. Tara had assumed that the fire she had been feeling would continue, but Buffy's energy was dissipating quickly, and Tara really didn't want it to.

Instead of waiting for Buffy to verbalize, Tara pulled her into the room and shut the door. Buffy stood with her back to Tara, and the witch wasn't quite sure what had changed, or how to get them back on track.

"Buffy?" Tara called out and was surprised when Buffy turned towards her quickly, the fire in her aura flaring back to life.

"Last chance to walk away," Buffy said and stared into Tara's eyes. Tara was practically forced against her door. Buffy wasn't touching her, but there were mere inches between them.

"I'm not going anywhere," Tara said with confidence, and Buffy moved impossibly closer. Tara closed her eyes in expectation of a kiss, but it was taking far too long. She opened her eyes and saw that Buffy's were closed, and fear was starting to take over again.

Smiling, Tara made the first move. Closing the small distance and starting a kiss that was far more than she had anticipated.

They kissed gently and deeply for several moments before Buffy began to lose control. She began to apply more pressure with her lips and her body. Tara grunted at the force of it and let out a loud whimper when Buffy stopped kissing her and pulled away.

Buffy chuckled and rested her forehead against Tara's. Her hands were fisted in the bottom of Tara's shirt. It was taking all her willpower to not rip the garment off of the witch. "I should go."

"What?!" Tara whined, "no - but... I mean..." Then she whimpered loudly again. Buffy's grip on her shirt had not lessened at all, and Tara was desperate for this not to end - but she also had no intention of forcing Buffy into something she wasn't ready for. "Do you want to go?" Her own hands were not idle. Currently, they were at the slayer's waist and gripping tightly.

Instead of answering, Buffy began placing soft open-mouthed kisses along Tara's neck.

"You could stay - if you wanted," Tara said and began chanting in her head for Buffy to stay.

Buffy hummed into Tara's neck. She forced her hands to relax, letting go of Tara's shirt and began sliding up under it instead. Tara's stomach quivered under her fingers, and she let out a moan. Buffy smiled and became more adventurous with her fingertips. Tara was making the most amazing sounds, and Buffy never wanted her to stop. "What happens if I do stay?" Buffy asked, pulling back enough to see Tara's face.

Tara grinned, "whatever you want."

Tara opened her mouth to complain as Buffy's hands came out from under her shirt. The complaint vanished from her mind as suddenly she was lifted like she weighed nothing and carried further into the room.

"Just let me know if I start doing something wrong," Buffy said before placing Tara down on the bed and moving to hover over her.

"Wrong?" Tara was completely confused as to what Buffy could mean by that.

"Yeah, I've never done this before... so you know..." Then Buffy smirked and pulled her shirt over her head, tossing it behind her without a thought.

Any response Tara might have tried to come up with was lost as she took in the half-naked woman straddling her.

Buffy grinned as she watched Tara bite her lip in anticipation. Her grin turned into a gasp as Tara's hands slid up her torso. Buffy's eyes rolled back into her head as Tara explored. Since meeting Tara, Buffy had spent a lot of time thinking about what it would be like to touch the witch. So even though she was seriously enjoying Tara's attention - she put her hands over Tara's and forced them gently away.

Tara whimpered slightly, again about to complain - until Buffy leaned over and began kissing her. All thoughts of complaining disappeared as Buffy's hands got to work removing her shirt and then the rest of their clothes shortly after.


	4. Chapter 4

"Wow." Tara gasped when she next had awareness enough to speak in anything other than grunts and moans.

Buffy chuckled and buried her face in Tara's neck. "That's what I was thinking."

"Are you sure you've never done that before?" Tara asked, still trying to come fully back to reality.

"I'm pretty sure I would have remembered doing _that_ before," Buffy replied, snuggling even closer. "We should sleep."

"Yeah." Tara agreed. "I have class in…" She raised her head and squinted at the clock, then flopped back onto the pillow. "45 minutes."

"What!" Buffy tried to roll away, but Tara held her close.

"Relax - I'm just kidding. It's Saturday - no classes." Tara giggled as she reminded her.

Buffy pouted and rolled fully back on top of Tara. "That's not funny. I'm not going to be the reason why you start slacking off in school."

"That hardly seems fair. Someone told me about how many classes you missed out on because of me." Tara joked back, and Buffy tried to pull away.

"Willow! I'm gonna…"

"You're gonna what?" Tara asked as she used the momentum of Buffy's feeble attempts to escape as a chance to roll on top of her.

"Mmm… I forget." Buffy replied while she began kissing along Tara's neck, and Tara let out a moan. It came out as more of an exhausted whimper rather than a pleased sound, and Buffy immediately stopped what she was doing.

Buffy rolled Tara, so they were lying side by side and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "Sleep." Tara fell asleep almost immediately at her whispered command.

Buffy stayed awake, watching Tara sleep, and wondering when and how things were going to go wrong. When Tara finally started to wake, she smiled and pulled Buffy closer.

Buffy hadn't even realized how anxious she had been - until she saw that smile.

Buffy was finally able to relax. They had slept together, and the world hadn't ended. Now that she was relaxed, exhaustion began to set in. She snuggled deeper into Tara's embrace and closed her eyes.

When they were pulled to wakefulness by frantic knocking on her door, Tara groaned and rolled out of bed. Throwing on a robe and peeking her head out the crack in the door. Buffy whimpered and buried her face in the pillow.

"Tara! I can't find Buffy anywhere!" Willow was trying to push the door further open, but Tara held it firmly.

Tara wasn't quite sure if Buffy was ready to be discovered or not, so she didn't want to just blurt out that Buffy was there. Tara was spared from having to answer by Buffy. "I'm fine, Willow."

Tara still hadn't let Willow open the door any further, and Willow was more than a little confused for a moment before it started to make sense.

"I guess you two worked everything out?" She smirked at Tara, and Tara couldn't help but chuckle in relief. Even though she had no reason to think that Buffy would keep their relationship secret, there was a part of her that feared that she would. "I'll leave you two alone - let your mother know you're OK!" Willow called into the room, and Buffy grumbled some sort of response. Neither witch could decipher her words, but they just grinned at each other, and Willow left.

Tara shut the door and turned to face Buffy. Then she burst into laughter.

"Tara? What's so funny?" Buffy abruptly sat up and pulled the blankets to cover herself. Suddenly and irrationally afraid that Tara was laughing at her.

Tara moved into the room and picked up the remains of the clothes she had been wearing last night. Buffy saw what was in her hands and groaned in embarrassment while burying herself under the blanket.

A thought occurred to Buffy, and she sprang up from under the covers. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Of course not!" Tara replied instantly. Buffy didn't believe her and climbed out of bed to inspect Tara for any sign of injury. Tara laughed and held her robe tightly closed while trying to evade Buffy and her attempts to open it. "Buffy! You didn't hurt me!"

Tara's forceful words finally got Buffy to calm down. "You're sure?"

"I'm positive. You may have shredded my clothes, but you didn't hurt me at all."

Buffy finally seemed convinced. "Are you sure I can't double-check? You know... just to be totally sure." Tara released the tight grip on her robe, and Buffy smiled. "Hmmm." Buffy ran her fingers gently over Tara's ribs, while she pretended to inspect Tara for bruises.

"See?" Tara pushed out between moans. "No bruises."

"I better check everywhere," Buffy scooped Tara up and placed her gently on the bed. Buffy slowly and carefully began kissing every exposed inch of Tara.

"You're checking for bruises with your mouth?"

"It seems like the best way. Don't you think?" Buffy asked before sucking a nipple into her mouth and gently laving it with her tongue.

Tara wasn't quite expecting the move and let out a gasp. Her hands instinctively went to Buffy's head to prevent her from moving. "Oh yes, definitely the best way."

* * *

The next few weeks were near bliss for Tara.

Tara had been fully embraced by the rest of the Scoobies. It was sometimes a little overwhelming to be surrounded by such close friends, they had so many stories and inside jokes - she occasionally felt like an outsider. But she didn't really mind. She had never been part of any group, and every day she spent with them - she felt more and more included.

She ended up taking a job at the Magic Box. When business was slow, she would spend her time researching various things with Mr. Giles. Most of their recent efforts were dedicated to the soldiers Buffy had reported seeing around town. The investigation wasn't making any progress. They had very little to go on, and it didn't seem that the men themselves were demonic.

When she would take a break from futilely researching the soldiers, she would focus her studies on the slayer. She avoided the topic of Buffy herself, but she wanted to know everything she could about slayer lore.

Her life was turning out to be far happier and more interesting than she could have ever imagined.

There was just one small issue, and Tara wasn't quite sure how to handle it. On the nights when they didn't patrol together, Buffy would sneak into her room after patrolling alone. Tara didn't mind that so much, the part she minded was that she was sure Buffy was hiding something from her.

Every time it happened, Tara swore to herself to press Buffy on the issue. She was still a little too afraid to find out what Buffy's secret was.

Buffy crept into Tara's room and as quietly as possible, slid off her shoes and changed into her sleep clothes. Tara watched her quietly, not yet wanting the slayer to know she was awake. Buffy's energy was ragged and confused as it usually was when Buffy came to her room after she was out slaying alone.

"Hey." She called out softly, Buffy turned to her and smiled. The chaos in her energy melted away, and with it, so did Tara's concerns. "Rough night slaying?"

"Not really, pretty boring. I think whoever those soldiers are - they're stealing my slayage." Buffy said with a pout, and Tara couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm sorry that we haven't figured anything out yet."

"I know you're doing your best. I'm sure you'll figure out." Buffy climbed into the bed and snuggled tightly to Tara's side. Letting out a happy sigh as she did so.

Tara wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and pulled her close. Kissing the top of her head, she could feel Buffy's smile against her chest. As content as she was, she couldn't help but wonder what Buffy was hiding from her.

"Buffy?"

"Hmm?" Buffy's sleepy response was barely audible, and Tara considered just dropping the conversation.

"What… what were you thinking about before you came in here?"

"I don't know… nothing really."

Tara tried not to show her disappointment that Buffy wouldn't talk to her. But she wasn't quite ready to give up. "I understand if you don't trust me enough to talk to me…"

"You think I don't trust you?"

"I just mean… we've only known each other for a short while… so I get why you might not want to share everything with me."

Buffy moved to her side, leaning up on her elbow. "I trust you. It's not that."

"It's something else, then?" Tara's anxiety was started to grow as she watched Buffy's aura start to swirl again.

Buffy frowned and looked away from Tara.

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just... I know you were upset before you came in here, and I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything."

Buffy's eyes snapped back to Tara. "What do you mean - you know I was upset?"

"Oh, right." Then Tara looked away in shame, even though Buffy didn't seem upset by the revelation. "I guess I should have told you before… but I can usually tell what you're feeling."

"Can you read my mind?"

Tara winced, this conversation wasn't going at all how she had planned. She looked at Buffy, expecting to see anger, but there was only confusion. "I can - but I never have. I would never do that to you or anyone else."

Buffy looked away, thoughtfully, "I could read minds once. It almost drove me insane."

"What?" Tara sat up, Buffy had so many stories - it amazed her how much Buffy had been through.

"It was this 'aspect of a demon thing'… at first, I thought it was fun that I could read minds - but I had no control over it. Plus, no one wanted to be around me once they knew what was happening." Buffy frowned, and Tara just wanted to wrap her in a hug. So she did, pleased when Buffy allowed her to comfort her.

"That sounds like it must have been awful." Tara paused for a moment. She hadn't intended to explain any of this to Buffy but realized how hypocritical she was being. "I can read minds, but I have control over it. It's not something I would do without a really good reason."

Again, Tara had expected some backlash from Buffy - but there was none. "Then how did you know how I was feeling?"

"Everyone has an energy signature, an aura around them. I can't really avoid seeing that, it's just something I can always see - but mostly I don't pay that much attention to it. With you - because you have so much energy, it is impossible for me not to see and feel."

She was surprised when Buffy didn't pull away. "So, you always know what I'm feeling?"

"Not exactly." Tara paused to consider how best to explain it. "Everyone is different, and even in the same person, the same aura might not mean the same emotion all the time."

"OK?" Buffy replied in confusion, Tara wasn't clearing anything up so far.

"Since we've been spending so much time together, I'm starting to put together how you're feeling with what I see." Then Tara looked away, Buffy's open curiosity was a little unsettling. "Whenever you come in here, you're energy is frayed and erratic. Like you can't settle on how you're feeling. So I just want to make sure that's not because you don't want to be here."

Buffy took in a deep breath of air and blew it out again. Tara thought it was in preparation for storming out or searching for some way to let Tara down easy.

"Guilty," Buffy finally said and gently pulled away from Tara to sit on the edge of the bed. "Before I came in here - I was feeling guilty."

"About what?" This was the last response Tara was expecting.

Buffy chuckled a little, "how much time do you have?"

Tara was thoroughly confused, but she knew she wanted to help Buffy through whatever it was that was causing her so much pain. "I have all the time you need."

Buffy sighed, "can't you just read my mind?"

"If you don't want to tell me - you don't have to…"

"Tara - it's not that I don't want to tell you… I was just serious about how long it might take to explain it all." Buffy ran her hand through her hair. "There's just so much - I wouldn't even know where to start."

Tara frowned and thought about what she most wanted to know. "Can you at least tell me… why is it so much worse just before you come here to see me? If there's something I'm doing that's hurting you - I need to know." This was the thing Tara was truly afraid of.

"No!" Buffy turned quickly to face Tara and pulled her into an embrace. "Coming to see you and when I'm with you… it's the only time I don't feel like I'm driving myself crazy."

Tara pulled away slightly in confusion, Buffy's words didn't match with what Tara knew that Buffy was experiencing. "Then why is your energy so much more disturbed when you come here?"

Buffy sighed and gently cupped Tara's cheek. "Because… I know one of these days - I'm not going to make it back to you. Or someone is going to use you against me - and I'm going to pick you over the world every single time."

"You wouldn't!" Tara tries to argue.

"I would - without hesitation."

"But… you shouldn't… you can't…" Tara continues to argue though her heart really isn't in it.

Buffy misunderstands Tara's response, she frowns as she stands up from the bed, and begins gathering the clothes she had just changed out of.

"What are you doing?" Tara starts to panic, believing she had pushed too hard and now Buffy was going to leave her.

"I just…" Buffy sighs and sits at the foot of the bed with her jeans in her hands. "You were just saying how we only just met - and I follow that up with saying I'd let the world die in order to save you. I might as well have told you I love you." Buffy shakes her head and starts to pull her jeans on.

"What?" Tara sits up quickly and reaches for Buffy's hand.

Buffy realizes she just made it even worse. "Is there any way you can pretend like I didn't just say any of that?"

Tara is silent as she watches Buffy sit on the end of the bed with her pants stuck halfway pulled up and misery pouring off of her. "Buffy."

Buffy wiped at her face and turned to face Tara.

"I love you too." Tara is surprised at how easy it is to say.

"You do?" Buffy's face lights up, and her pants slide to the floor as she pivots and climbs towards Tara.

Tara leaned forward to meet Buffy halfway on the bed. They share a passionate and tender kiss, as things begin to get heated - Buffy forces herself to stop and pull away.

"What is it?" Tara's heart starts to race as she watches the energy surrounding Buffy begin to swirl.

Buffy chuckles a little and shakes her head. "I just need to be sure that you understand that I was serious about everything I said. If someone or something comes after you..." Then she turns to make sure Tara can see her eyes. "Your safety and happiness mean more to me than anything else. If you decide that's too much, I completely understand. You tell me if you need time or space - and it's yours."

"I don't need any time or space," Tara said immediately.

Buffy sucked in a breath and held it. "You say that - and I believe you... but... I just know you're going to get hurt. One way or another - us being together is going to hurt you. And even though I know that - I just... I know that walking away from you is probably the right thing to do - but I just can't. So that might be why I feel so guilty before I see you."

Tears were streaming down Buffy's cheeks, and Tara gently wiped them away. Tara started to regret forcing Buffy to admit all this to her. Though she was fairly certain, it would be better for Buffy in the long run. "I'm willing to accept any possible future pain to be with you."

Then Buffy had to look away to gather herself to say this last thing. "If it were the same situation as with Angel - if I have to kill you to save the world? The world is screwed."

"Buffy." Tara gasped, and because she can't even begin to think of how to respond to that kind of declaration - she pulled the slayer to her and does her best to prove that she feels the same way.

Many thoughts flicker through Tara's mind as she showers Buffy's body with love. Part of her starts to wonder if Buffy is right - and the world would be better off if they were apart. It more than a little scares her that someone so important cares about her so much.

It's a lot of pressure to think that all of humanity could be in danger because of her. But as she watches Buffy come undone beneath her - Tara decides she doesn't care. No matter the risk - she knows there is no way she would ever give Buffy up.

* * *

Tara and Buffy awoke to the bed shaking - Buffy instantly recognized what was happening and rolled on top of Tara. Using her body as a shield in case anything were to fall on them. Several books fall off the shelves, but none were close to hitting either of them.

When the shaking stopped, Buffy stood and moved to the window. "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine." Tara started to ask a question when the room began to shake again. This time more violently. With a quickness Tara couldn't comprehend, Buffy swept her up and carried her to the doorway of the closet. Again, positioning herself as a protective barrier around Tara. Tara starts to realize how unprepared she is for living in an earthquake zone - nevermind near a Hellmouth. She decides to focus her energies on protective and healing magics. After everything Buffy said to her last night, she can't be the reason that the slayer is putting herself in danger.

When the shaking stopped this time, all of Tara's books had hit the floor. Buffy opened the door to the hallway to see if anyone needed help. There was a scream to her left, and she instantly moved towards it, Tara a step behind her. Before they could make it to the source of the scream - there was a guttural and demonic roar in the other direction.

"You take the scream… I'll go…" She nodded towards the demon sounds, trusting Tara to take care of any potential injury. Students ran past her in the opposite direction, and she did her best to not get in their way. There was clearly something evil making those sounds, and she needed to deal with it before anyone was hurt.

As she got closer, she started hearing more sounds. Men's raised voices mixed in with the roars of the demon, and the electric zap of tasers. Before she could actually see what was happening, her progress was stopped by a man in military fatigues with his face covered.

"It's not safe here - miss. You'll have to go the other way." He pushed her none-too-gently, and she was forced to cooperate. She could have fought him, but she really didn't want to reveal herself to these soldiers. And it sounded like they mostly had the demon under some kind of control.

She joined up with the rest of the students filing out of the dorm. Tara and Willow were helping another student, who was bleeding from a gash on her head. Buffy moved towards them, but she was pulled off course by Riley suddenly barring her path.

"There you are!"

"Here I am," Buffy replied curtly and tried to get around him. Even though she knew that Tara and Willow were safe, she needed to be close in case those soldiers didn't really have a handle on the demon inside.

Riley moved in front of her again, grabbing her arm and spinning her to face him. "I was so worried about you. Are you OK?" He tried to pull her in for a hug, but she twisted and squirmed away before he managed to bring her close.

"I'm fine, Riley. I have to go check on my friends." She gave him a look, which she hoped he would read as an indication that he should not follow.

The look in his eyes briefly allowed her to think that he had actually called this demon and was hoping to attack Tara with it. Then he nodded to her, and she let the thought go. She didn't know for sure where that demon came from, but she couldn't let herself believe that he would do something like that - even if he were jealous.

When she finally reached Tara and Willow, she pulled each of them into a hug. She was surprised when she recognized the third person standing with them.

"Oz?!" Buffy hugged him too, "you're back!"

"Seems like," Oz replied succinctly.

Buffy glanced at Willow and couldn't quite read her expression. "We should go talk to Giles, see if he's learned anything more about these soldiers."

"I have to go. I'll talk to you later?" Oz asked Willow, and she nodded.

"How are you doing with him back?" Buffy asked Willow once Oz began to walk away.

"I'm not sure yet. He's so different." Willow frowned, "He really hurt me."

Buffy glanced at Tara, she wasn't sure what to say in response. The pair had seemed like a great couple, but they had both cheated and caused each other a lot of pain.

"But I really hurt him too. He forgave me, shouldn't I forgive him?" Willow asked - the hope in her question was clear. She was begging Buffy and Tara to say it was OK to let Oz back into her life and her heart.

Neither of them was able to form a response before she started talking again.

"Maybe there's a way I could know for sure..." Willow started to say, and Tara immediately cut her off.

"No!" Tara said abruptly as she guessed where Willow's train of thought was heading.

Both Buffy and Willow stopped walking and turned to face Tara. It was very unlike Tara to speak up like this.

"I mean... sorry," Tara ducked her head, not liking the intense stare from Willow at her outburst.

"What is it? You don't think it's possible?" Willow asked, still curious about what options she might have to be sure about Oz and his intentions.

Buffy smiled at her and nodded, Tara tried to accept the encouragement and say what she wanted to say. "A lot of things are possible, that doesn't mean you should do them."

"What's the big deal? I just want to be sure about how he feels - so I don't get hurt again."

"And what if he wanted to be sure how you felt? What if you realized you could dip into anyone's mind any time you wanted? Would that be OK?" Tara started to lose control of her reaction.

"That's not what I'm talking about - it's just Oz." Willow furrowed her brow, Tara was always more confident around Buffy - but this was the most she'd ever seen the other witch speak up about anything.

Tara frowned, she didn't want to sound preachy - she didn't want Willow to be upset with her - but this wasn't the first glimpse into the way Willow used magic that Tara didn't approve of.

Buffy did not like seeing Tara so upset and tried to make sense of the conversation. At first, she didn't understand Tara's reaction, but it started to make sense to her the more she thought about it. "Willow - think about it. Remember when I could read minds?"

"I'm not talking about reading his mind." Willow pouted a little, feeling like she was being ganged up on.

"There might be something less intrusive you could try," Tara suggested, wanting to steer the conversation in a safer direction.

"Like what?" Tara tried not to show her relief that Willow was willing to consider other options.

"I have a few ideas - it will take some research. It will certainly be easier and safer if he's willing to participate."

Willow paused for a moment, she hadn't even considered Oz's feelings in all this. That realization made her see how bad her original thoughts were. She smiled gratefully at Tara, "I'll think about it. Thank you."

"Last night was a full moon." Buffy comments, and Willow smiles in return.

"That's right - and he didn't wolf out. He says he has it under control." The pride in Willow's voice was evident.

"That's incredible. I didn't even know that was possible." Tara added.

"That's great, Will." Buffy offered, honestly. She was hopeful that her friends could work out their feelings and find happiness.

Though the revelation added one more thing to the long list of things she was guilty about. Even though it wasn't entirely her fault - she hadn't been able to stop the hunter from taking out a werewolf. And who knows how many werewolves were being hunted and killed all over the world.

When they arrived in the Magic Box, Buffy described the demon and everything she had seen. They added her details to the growing pile of useless information they had so far gathered on the soldiers.

When they were done, Tara and Willow started looking through magic books, and Buffy quickly lost interest in what they were talking about.

Taking advantage of the opportunity, Buffy went into Giles' office to talk to him alone. "I think the soldiers are after Tara."

"What makes you say that?"

Buffy checked to make sure Tara and Willow weren't within earshot. "The only vampires or demons I'm coming across are near her dorm. Today the demon was on her floor." Buffy knew the evidence wasn't exactly conclusive, she just had a very strong feeling.

"Have you mentioned this theory to Tara?"

"No, I don't want to scare her. Not until we're sure."

"Wouldn't she be better able to protect herself if she knew?" Giles raised a concerned eyebrow. He had grown quite fond of Tara and was concerned for her safety."

"Maybe," Buffy pursed her lips. "But... I just think it would be better for now if she didn't know. I can keep her safe."

"You can't be everywhere all the time."

"I'll have Willow help me." Buffy looked back towards the witches. "I don't want to worry her if we don't need to."

Giles nodded, "very well. I don't agree with you - but I will defer to you, for now."

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. It had been worrying her for some time, and she was glad she could now share her concerns. She just hoped she was making the right decision.


	5. Chapter 5

Over the next week, instead of improving - the chaos Tara would sometimes see in Buffy's aura appeared to be getting worse. Whenever Tara would ask - Buffy would tell another snippet of her history. Describing yet another event where she felt she hadn't been good enough.

Tara did her best to listen and be supportive, but each time - Tara knew it wasn't the main thing that was causing Buffy's guilt. After a particularly difficult evening, where Buffy could only come up with very trivial events to explain her guilt - Tara finally realized what the likely cause of Buffy's increasing turmoil was.

Once she had the realization, she wasn't quite sure what to do about it.

* * *

Tara stood next to the hospital bed and stared down at the comatose slayer, trying to sort out her feelings. She knew how Buffy felt about her, and it made no sense to be jealous of Faith. But she also knew there was something Buffy wasn't telling her. Some reason that Faith weighed so heavily on her. Tara only saw one path to relieving Buffy of her pain, and that was to talk directly to Faith and find out what really happened between the two slayers.

She had heard the story from Willow, Xander, and Buffy. Nothing any of them said fit with how guilty Buffy felt over the fight that put Faith in her current state. From all their tellings, Faith had been completely crazy. From the start, she was a liar and reckless in her slaying.

As she listened to their stories, she formed a picture of Faith as being an unrepentant person. Someone who took no responsibility for any hurt she might cause. She was particularly disturbed by Xander's devastating encounter with Faith. From all their descriptions, Buffy should have felt completely justified in her actions. It wasn't like Faith was the only human Buffy had felt responsible for hurting. And even though Buffy carried guilt for those other humans - nothing compared to the guilt she carried about Faith.

Faith was a murderer with supernatural powers. She was no better than a demon in Tara's mind, possibly worse - since she was a slayer. A slayer had a responsibility to keep the world safe, and Faith had mocked that responsibility. It made very little sense to her that Buffy had never finished the job. The world would benefit from the new slayer created by Faith's death.

Tara tried to avoid actively hating anyone. Hate was not a useful emotion, but she could not help letting it seep in when she thought about Faith and what she had done to the people she now considered her family.

Steeling herself, she leaned closer and gently caressed Faith's cheek. That same slayer energy she felt when she touched Buffy crackled through her, she scowled at the sensation. Not liking the idea that this clearly evil woman and Buffy had anything in common. Removing her hand, she stepped away and sat in the chair, closing her eyes - she began to reach out with her senses.

Faith's energy rebelled and screamed at her. It was angry, confused, and - most of all - terrified. Tara gasped at the weight of it, it was not what she had been expecting.

Tara sat for another moment before trying again. She did her best to bury any negative thoughts she had about this woman, hoping that Faith's energy would be more accepting.

When she finally broke through the barricade of anger and fear, she was able to slip into Faith's mind. Horrified, she almost lost the connection as she saw the scene that was replaying over and over in Faith's mind. Buffy's face twisted up in anger. Buffy chasing after Faith and mercilessly murdering Faith and everything she cared about over and over. Variations on the same theme flashed through her mind hundreds of times in mere moments.

Tara knew those images weren't what really happened - but they still shook her to her core.

It was a struggle to break free, as soon as Faith felt her trying to leave - she latched on. Pulling Tara deeper and deeper into her psyche. The deeper she went - the more she saw. Countless images of Faith being hurt by everyone who was supposed to love and protect her. They flashed by so quickly that Tara couldn't identify what was happening, she could only feel what Faith felt in those moments.

Tara railed against Faith's efforts. Her only advantage was that Tara's body was conscious, and her spirit was whole and focused.

When Tara was finally free, she gasped and breathed heavily for a few moments - shaking her head to clear her confusion. With her control of herself regained, she stood and moved closer to the bed.

Faith's aura was flickering and scrambling in desperation. Tara had never seen anything like it in her life. As she watched, a new picture of Faith formed in her mind. The Faith she saw now was a terrified and lonely girl. One who had never known love or even real friendship.

Right then, she decided she would do everything in her power to help this woman.

"I am going to help you." She watched in amazement as Faith's aura gathered itself and seemed to flow in a more organized way. "I will help you." She repeated herself and leaned a bit more over the bed. "But you can't do that again. We will have to work together. Show me that you understand."

Faith's energy ebbed and flowed before it figured out how to move in what could be considered a nod.

"This may hurt a little," Tara warned before she quickly plucked out a few of Faith's hairs and then several of her own. She carefully tied two bundles mixing their hair together. Holding both bundles in her cupped hands, she whispered a short incantation. One of the bundles she carefully slid into her pocket. The other, she wrapped in Faith's hospital ID bracelet, tucking it away to keep it hidden as much as possible.

"Can you feel that?" Tara asked, and Faith's aura nodded. "If you ever need me, I will be able to talk to you through this. You can try it now."

Tara waited for Faith to figure it out. It took a few moments, and Tara was beginning to think it wasn't going to work. That Faith was too broken and angry to be helped.

"_Name?"_ She heard the question just barely in her head.

Tara smiled, "my name is Tara."

"_Tara."_ She heard her name echoed, a little louder this time.

"I will visit as much as I can. I will help you." Tara repeated her promise of help once again. Hoping that eventually, Faith would believe her. Tara watched in amazement as Faith's energy seemed to be responding to her words.

Tara left Faith alone and wondered if this was a good idea or not. It didn't matter, she had committed herself to this plan.

The next night, Tara is alone in her dorm room - working on her homework when she suddenly feels an overwhelming sense of panic.

"Faith?" She asks once she realizes the source of this panic she is being assaulted with.

"_B!"_ The Faith voice screamed in her head, and Tara winced from the terror she was feeling by proxy. She had never joined with anyone this way before and wasn't at all prepared for the onslaught of feelings.

"There's a bee in your room?"

"_No! B!"_ Faith screams again, and Tara still doesn't understand. "_B… Buffy."_ The voice says, and now it makes sense.

"Buffy is there with you?" Tara had to wrestle with her feelings on knowing that Buffy was sneaking around to see Faith. Even though Tara had never directly asked her, it still felt like a betrayal. Of course, Tara was guilty of a similar betrayal - she pushed aside her jealousy and focused on the connection to Faith.

"_Yes. Kill."_

Tara gasped, thinking she had completely misjudged the situation and that Faith wanted to kill Buffy.

"_Save me."_

Tara stood up and knocked her chair to the floor. "You think Buffy is going to kill you?"

"_Already tried. Hates me."_ Faith's panic was starting to rise again, and Tara could barely think.

"Faith, please try to calm down. I promise you that Buffy is not going to hurt you."

"_Why?"_

Faith's question was vague, and Tara was struggling to keep a hold of the connection. "This isn't the first time she's spent time with you. Try to calm down and listen. What is she saying?"

There was no response for several minutes. "_Reading."_

"Buffy is reading to you?" That was certainly not what Tara was expecting to hear. It seemed like the connection to Faith was gone, and Tara tried to calm herself and figure out what to make of what she had heard.

The sound of her door opening shocked her out of her thoughts. A man with stark white hair was standing in her now open doorway. A hideous leer on his face. "So, you're the slayer's new plaything?" He took a step into her room, and Tara was wholly frozen in terror. She couldn't remember any of the defensive spells she had been researching for this exact situation.

Without conscious thought, Tara screamed in her head - reaching for the connection to Faith and desperately pleading for help. Unknowingly, she set an image of her attacker to Faith.

"_Spike_." The voice that called back to her was a combination of Buffy and Faith's.

Tara remembered Buffy telling her about Spike. Her fear intensified, and she began to shake.

_"B is coming."_

_"She can't get here in time,"_ Tara replied, trying desperately to not let her terror be visible to Spike.

"_B can do anything." _Faith's reply was calm and even. For the first time, there was not even a tinge of fear coming over the connection.

Drawing strength from Faith, Tara managed to rise from her seat. Spike's eyes glinted with amusement. "Little mouse has teeth, does she?"

"I'm not afraid of you." Tara tried not to wince as the words stuttered out of her. Spike's grin widened, and he moved to within a few feet of her.

"Is that right?" Spike's teeth began to elongate, and Tara did her best not to react. "Can't wait for the slayer to see the mess I'm gonna make out of you."

"Get to it then." Tara goaded him, not at all sure why she would do such a dangerous thing. A slight chuckle from her connection to Faith provided the answer to that mystery. "_Faith." _She warned the slayer.

"_Keep him talking." _Faith encouraged her, and Tara tried to relax, letting her arms hand loosely at her side.

Buffy had told Tara about Spike, so she thought she knew a little about him. She just didn't know what to do with that knowledge.

"You do know you can never compete with their undying love, right? If tall, dark, and gloomy ever shows up here - she'll drop you in a flash." Spike snapped his fingers in front of her face, his lips curled up in a leer. "Maybe I should turn you - keep you around for a bit. Wouldn't that just drive them all mad?"

Tara stood there, trying not to react visibly to Spike's words. Her mind raced to come up with some way to defend herself - or at least buy a little more time.

"You and me could have a lot of fun." Spike looked her over and bit his lower lip, moving closer and reaching out to trail a fingertip lightly over her cheek. "You've got a bit of darkness in you - I can see it."

Suddenly, Spike was kneeling before her and crying out. Tara looked down at her hand and wondered what it was doing. She grimaced as her she began to apply more pressure to Spike's wrist. He howled and tried to pry her fingers away, but they held him in a vise-like grip.

"Let go!" He wailed and squirmed. Tara felt a perverse enjoyment from the pain her body was causing his. Even if it wasn't under her control.

"_Faith?" _She questioned and started to panic when it didn't seem like Faith was going to step back.

"_B is almost there. Just a few more seconds."_

The door crashed inwards, Spike was flying through the air and slammed into the concrete wall of her dorm room all in the same instant. Tara was not prepared to regain control of her body, and she dropped to her knees.

Buffy caught the movement out of the corner of her eye. Buffy was overtaken by rage. Her fists slammed into Spike with blinding speed. After a few seconds of damage, Buffy regained some control of herself. She needed to knock Spike out and make sure Tara was OK. She couldn't kill him until she knew what he had done. If Tara was hurt, she was going to deliver pain unto Spike that would make Angelus proud.

"Tara! Did he hurt you? Please tell me you're OK." Buffy asked as she delivered the knockout blow to Spike's head. His head hit the wall with a satisfying thunk, and he dropped to the ground. She kicked him in the ribs as hard as she could, just to make sure he was really out, before crossing the room to Tara.

Tara was on her knees, still recovering from the after-effects of Faith taking control.

"Tara?" Buffy asked as she reached Tara's side.

"I'm fine. He didn't get a chance to hurt me." Tara replied, and finally was able to stand with Buffy's assistance. "_Thank you, Faith."_

_"I told you B would get there in time._"

"_She wouldn't have - without your help." _Tara had no idea what to make of what Faith had done. It shouldn't have been possible. She also didn't understand how her connection to Faith relayed to Buffy.

_"Don't tell her about me." _Tara frowned at Faith's parting comment. She did not like the idea of hiding anything from Buffy - but she also feared that Buffy wouldn't let her continue with her plan to help Faith. For the moment, she decided to comply with Faith's request.

The Faith connection was gone, and Tara shook her head to clear the bizarre sense of loss that she felt. She had a lot to think about. But for the moment, she had to pay attention to what was happening in her dorm room.

"Tara?" Buffy asked again softly. Tears were streaking down her cheeks.

"I'm OK." Tara smiled and hugged Buffy.

"I'm so sorry." Buffy began to shake with the force of her crying.

Tara did her best to soothe Buffy, holding her tight and rubbing her back. "It's OK. I'm OK. He didn't touch me."

"I should have been here. It should have never happened!" Buffy argued and tried to pull away. Tara did her best to hold her close. She had a feeling Buffy was planning on more violence against Spike. And while she didn't want to protect the vampire, she also didn't want Buffy to lose herself to anger.

"Buffy, look at me." Buffy sucked in a breath and pushed it out slowly. It took her several seconds, but she was finally able to meet Tara's eyes. "I'm OK. You got here in time."

Buffy took another cleansing breath, leaning into Tara's gentle touch on her cheek. "I was so scared. I saw this flash of Spike in your room. How did I see that?"

"I'm not really sure." It wasn't entirely a lie. Tara didn't feel too bad about not revealing everything since Buffy was holding details back too.

"You're sure you're OK?" Buffy asked as she looked over at Spike's lifeless body.

"Are you OK?" Tara reached for Buffy's hands and saw the abrasions on her knuckles.

"I'm fine, this will heal in no time." Buffy tried to downplay what happened. She had never punched anything as hard as she punched Spike. She could still feel the sensation of his bones cracking each time her fist connected. "Do you think we can put vampire invite protection on your dorm room?"

Tara was surprised by the idea and the fact that she hadn't thought of it before. "I bet we can. I've been researching ways to put up permanent protection spells. I should be able to add vampire protection too. There are just a few things I might need." Tara started to think of which books would have the best information on warding locations as Buffy turned her attention to Spike.

"Great, let me dust him - then we can go to the Magic Box to get what you need." Buffy knelt down next to Spike and grimaced at what she saw. His jaw was dislocated, and his cheek was caved in. She almost felt bad, but then she remembered what Spike had been trying to do. She stood back up and considered dolling out a little more damage before granting him the mercy of death.

Spike started to stir, and Buffy grabbed him by the hair, forcing him to stand up. The eye that wasn't completely swollen shut opened to barely a sliver, and he started to panic. Buffy was amused by his fear, and instead of staking him, she let go and took a step back.

Spike relaxed against the wall when Buffy backed away. He tried to talk, but his jaw wouldn't cooperate. Grunting in pain, he grabbed it and forced it back into place.

Buffy watched him for another few seconds before she became ashamed of what she had done. She started to panic at the thought of Tara seeing the aftermath of her rage. She pulled the stake out of her pocket and cocked her arm back to strike.

"Wait!" Spike brought his hands up, even though he knew he had no chance to stop Buffy in his current condition. "Do you really think I would come after you or yours?"

"Spike," Buffy said in exasperation. She had never been so terrified in all her life. Tara had almost been killed, and Buffy almost didn't get her in time. "You tried to hurt Tara. I really don't care what you have to say."

"I didn't! I would never - they made me!" Spike argued, still cowering on the ground. Hoping to look pathetic enough to worm his way out of this situation.

"They?" This gave Buffy pause. "They who?"

Spike tried not to grin in relief - but it didn't work. Buffy saw it and yanked him off the ground by his throat.

"Talk now."

"Ok! Ok! Just give me some space." Spike squirmed against her tight grip on his throat.

"Not happening." Buffy shook him violently, his head cracked with a dull thud against the wall, and he passed out again. "Great." Buffy sighed and dropped him to the floor.

"What are you doing?" Tara had gathered what she needed from her room and stood next to Buffy.

"He said someone sent him here... then he kinda passed out."

"Why would anyone do that?"

Buffy hesitated, before sighing heavily. "I think... I think it's because of me."

"Buffy?" Tara tugged on Buffy's arm until she turned enough to see her eyes. "What do you mean?"

Buffy wiped at her tears, feeling terrible for trying to hide anything from Tara. "So, you know how we think Riley is working with those soldiers?"

Tara nodded, not at all understanding where this was going.

"I think maybe... they're capturing demons... and I think Riley is using them to come after you."

"What?" Tara took a step back. "How long have you thought this? Why didn't you tell me?"

"A few weeks. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to scare you, and I didn't really have any proof." She looked down at Spike, "but I think we do now."

Tara was silent as she digested this news.

"I know I should have told you sooner... I just really wanted to be wrong." Buffy frowned and looked down at her feet. "I understand if you can't forgive me."

Tara was upset that Buffy kept this from her, but she also understood why she hadn't. Mostly she was relieved that Buffy hadn't decided to break-up with her to keep her safe. "It's OK. I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?" Buffy looked up, her relief was palpable.

"No - I mean... I get it. I know you weren't trying to hurt me."

Spike started to stir again, and Buffy put herself between him and Tara.

"Bloody hell," Spike groaned as he sat up, "did you have to break my ribs?"

"Yes, I pretty much did. Now - talk." Buffy stood with her arms crossed over her chest.

"What do I get out of it?"

"You've already gotten to live about five minutes longer than you should," Buffy replied evenly.

Spike pursed his lips, grimacing as his jaw crunched. "That's not much of a deal."

"We had a deal once - and you broke it. I'm not interested in making another."

Spike had been watching the pair for over a week. He knew what buttons to push. "So, you're not interested to know more about those soldier boys?"

Buffy tried to remain disinterested. "They're who sent you?"

Spike winced. He hadn't meant to reveal that just yet. He as having a hard time thinking clearly with the way his ears were ringing. "Maybe."

Buffy grunted in annoyance and pulled her stake out again. "This is a waste of time."

"Come on now, slayer. I've got good info here. Don't you want to keep your girl safe?"

Buffy growled and slammed Spike against the wall again. "Talk. Now."

"Buffy," Tara called softly and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I have an idea."

"Can you read his mind?" Buffy asked, hopefully.

"No." Tara shook her head. "But, there might be something else I can do." One of the many things Tara researched while thinking of ways to help Faith - was ways to control her. Or at least ways to remove her violent tendencies. She returned to her desk and flipped open one of her books.

Tara found the spell she was looking for. "Can you..." She motioned back to Spike and closed her eyes.

Buffy grinned, "gladly." She stalked back over to Spike and punched him in the face before he could even try to stop her.

Tara moved as if she was going to lean down to Spike, but Buffy stopped her. "I just need to see if he has anything, like jewelry or anything else that looks like it might be meaningful to him."

Buffy nodded and knelt down, he wore several rings, and she pulled them all off. "Here you go."

Tara selected the one that looked the most worn and held it in her cupped hands for a few moments. When she was done with her incantation, she started to slide it onto her own finger, but Buffy stopped her.

"What will the spell do?"

"It will act as a sort of a reverse protection spell. He won't be able to hurt anyone."

Buffy raised an eyebrow, "why do you need to wear it?"

"I won't have to wear it for long - I just need to imbue it with a positive essence."

"It won't hurt you?"

"No, not at all." Buffy released her hold on Tara's hand and allowed her to slide the ring on. Tara was blown away by the confidence Buffy was showing in her. Buffy regularly questioned Willow or Giles when they performed magic. But Buffy showed nothing but complete trust in Tara.

After another short incantation, Tara slid the ring back off and handed it to Buffy. "Now what?" Buffy knelt down and less-than-gently slid his rings back on his fingers.

"Now I guess we wait for him to wake up and see what he has to say."

"And then?"

"That's up to you."

Buffy tilted her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"He won't be able to harm a living thing. Even just thinking about it will cause him intense pain."

Buffy's eyes widened in shock. "Wow. That is incredible. You are incredible."

Tara couldn't help but smile under Buffy's appreciative leer. Buffy moved closer and began to gently kiss her. Spike began to stir, letting out a pained groan.

Buffy growled in irritation at being disturbed, she had forgotten the vampire was even in the room.

Spike continued to moan, making far more distressed noises than he was before. "If you stop thinking such naughty thoughts - the pain might go away." Buffy offered.

Spike looked up at her, his lips curled in an angry scowl. He yelped in pain and held his hands to his temples. "What did you do to me?!"

"She saved you," Buffy said, kneeling down to be face to face with the vampire. "Now, you have two choices. You can tell me what you know and walk out of here - get to enjoy the rest of your undead life."

"Or?" Spike pushed out through clenched teeth.

"Or I can torture you - you tell me everything you know, and then I dust you." Buffy flicked him in the forehead, "either way - you're gonna talk."

"I'll need protection."

"What?" Buffy rocked back on her heels slightly.

"The soldier boys - they're going to know I failed - they're going to be after me."

Buffy considered his request but quickly shook her head. "I'm not protecting you. But, if you help me find them - I'll take them out, and they won't be able to bother you."

Spike was well aware of how screwed he was. He also knew that working with Buffy was the lesser of two evils. He didn't know what the witch had done to him, but every dark thought he had sent ice picks stabbing into his eyes. His only chance of surviving - was to work with the slayer. "Fine. I'll talk."

Buffy sat on the bed next to Tara as Spike began to explain everything he knew.

* * *

"So let me get this straight - they were humans that wore masks - so you don't know what they look like. You didn't get any names - and you have no idea where they're based?" Buffy summarized and rolled her eyes.

"Well.. yeah." Spike shrugged and hoped that the slayer would take mercy on him.

Buffy's feral grin did not inspire confidence. "Fine - you can go."

"What?" Spike was shocked, and Tara was a little surprised herself.

"You heard me."

Spike did not need to be told twice, and he ran out of the room. He was barely through the door before he yelped in pain. Buffy laughed at knowing the pain Tara's spell was causing him.

"Why did you just let him go? He didn't really tell us anything."

Buffy pulled one of Spike's rings out of her pocket. "Can you do a tracking spell with this?"

Tara smiled as she followed Buffy's train of thought, "you're using him as bait?"

"Good plan?"

"Great plan." Tara smiled and kissed Buffy lightly. Now that the excitement was over, Tara began to realize how exhausted she was.

"It's late - you must be tired," Buffy commented, wrestling with what she should do now.

"Are you leaving?"

"I should probably patrol, I didn't really get to tonight."

Tara bit her lip, she knew she couldn't admit it out loud - but she was a little worried about being alone tonight.

"But... it has been pretty quiet lately. One night off should be OK." Buffy hoped that sounded reasonable, the truth was that she was terrified of leaving Tara alone.

Tara nodded her agreement as she stood and moved to her closet. Buffy followed closely behind. They changed into their sleep clothes and slipped into bed. Buffy held Tara close and tried to calm her racing heart.

"Tara?"

"Is something wrong?" Tara held her breath and waited for Buffy to say she was going to leave.

"I..." Buffy hesitated, she knew what the right thing to do was. There was no avoiding it. Buffy being in Tara's life, was going to get her killed.

Tara shifted slightly, they were lying side by side, and Tara looked into Buffy's eyes. "I know today was scary - but everything is OK. We have a little more information about those soldiers and hopefully a way to get to them."

Buffy frowned, unable to meet Tara's eyes. "I should have been here."

"You can't always be with me." Tara countered, her heart racing. She had to convince Buffy that everything was OK. It wouldn't work for either of them if Buffy's sole focus was protecting Tara.

"I know... but it's my fault..." Buffy whimpered and wiped at her tears.

Tara pressed her finger to Buffy's lips. "We don't know that. We don't know for sure that Riley has anything to do with this. And even if he does - it's still not your fault."

"But..." Buffy tried to talk again, and Tara silenced her this time with a kiss.

Tara rolled Buffy until she was on top of her, "You are not responsible for the bad things people might do. And I am not some delicate, helpless girl. You don't need to protect me."

"No, you are a badass Wicca. Not helpless at all." Buffy smiled and leaned down to kiss Tara.

A twinge of guilt went through Tara. She was very aware that she would have been killed or at least seriously injured without Faith's help. But she also knew that if she told Buffy - all hell would break loose. When the time was right, she would tell her. In the meantime, she would help Faith recover and continue to love Buffy as best she could.


	6. Chapter 6

Buffy had been lying awake for two hours when the phone rang. She picked it up before the first ring could even finish. "What?" She whispered into the receiver while keeping a close eye on Tara to see if she was disturbed.

"Buffy! Your mom is looking for you. She said Spike is at her house, and he's acting crazy." Buffy tried not to sigh in response to Willow's frantic voice. Somehow she was not at all worried that her mother was in danger. Mostly she was annoyed that whatever Spike was up to - meant that she had to wake up Tara.

Buffy sat up and rubbed her face. "OK, we'll head over right away." Then she hung up the phone and shook Tara gently, not wanting to wake her up - but leaving her alone wasn't an option either.

"Tara, we've got to go help my mom." Buffy said quietly, gently running her fingers through Tara's hair. Hoping to wake her up as pleasantly as possible.

Tara was barely able to understand what Buffy was trying to explain to her. The two hours of sleep she had gotten had not at all restored her. She understood that it had something to do with Spike, briefly she was worried that something had gone wrong with the spell. But Buffy didn't seem to be particularly panicked.

Tara wasn't sure if Buffy actually meant _we_. They have never really talked about Buffy's mother, nor about when there might be any kind of introduction. Tara couldn't help but be a little curious about Buffy's mother. But she certainly wasn't going to try pushing the issue. She was probably just as nervous about meeting the woman as Buffy was about telling her mom about their relationship.

It only took ten minutes for them to reach Revello drive. Buffy carried Tara the majority of the way. If she wasn't so annoyed by Spike and thinking about how she might hurt him - she might have had time to think about how absurd they looked. Sneaking around back, Buffy peered through the kitchen window to assess the situation.

"What the…?" She trailed off and opened the door to find Spike and her mother sharing a cup of tea. "This is what I had to rush over here for?" Now she was more annoyed at her mother than she was at Spike.

"Well… at first, he was…" Joyce looked quite embarrassed to be caught having tea with Spike. But he was a vampire and an intruder. It seemed like the right decision to call Buffy for help, even if she had never actually been in any danger.

"Right." Buffy entered the house, and Tara followed closely behind her. Just barely keeping her eyes open. "Mom, can you give us a moment alone with Spike?"

Joyce gave Spike an almost apologetic nod and then retreated to the living room. Spike was looking rather pathetic, with his face covered in bruises and one of his eyes still basically swollen shut.

Spike dropped the puppy dog act once Joyce had left the room. He was not quite able to pull off his usual cocky smirk, all he was managing to do was to irritate Buffy further. "Your girl is looking a little tired. Shouldn't you have her tucked away in bed?"

Buffy stalked towards Spike and hoisted him in the air by his throat, squeezing far harder than she needed to. "Yes, I should. Give me one reason not to stake you right now."

Spike was nonplussed by Buffy's actions. "I wouldn't make very good bait as a pile of dust, now would I?"

Buffy grit her teeth, but slowly lowered him to the ground. "Here's the deal. You come anywhere near my family or friends again, and I won't care about you being bait."

Spike stood up and straightened out his clothes.

He opened his mouth to smart off again, but Buffy cut him off with a quick hard jab to the throat. "Leave. Now."

Spike clapped his hands to his neck and darted out the door.

Buffy followed him to the doorway and watched him run out of sight. "Can you do a dis-invite spell?"

Tara nodded, "I'll need some ingredients."

Buffy shut the door and turned her attention back to Tara. Not at all missing how wiped out she looked. "Sorry for waking you up for no reason. I thought I might need your help."

"It's OK. I understand." Tara smiled and let herself be led into the living room.

"Thank you, girls, for coming over so quickly," Joyce said immediately, and Buffy blew out a breath. Now that the supposed ordeal was over, she was relieved that her mother was never in any real danger.

"Of course, we did, mom. I'm sorry he bothered you at all. Tomorrow Tara will be able to do a dis-invite spell. Please don't invite him in again." Buffy said the last part with a slight edge to her voice. Tara was surprised to hear Buffy would speak to her mother that way.

Joyce nodded immediately. "Of course, I won't."

Tara tried to hide her yawn, but she did not succeed. Between all the magic she expended and the emotional toll - she was beyond depleted.

"You girls must be exhausted - would you like to spend the night?"

Buffy saw that Tara was about to argue, but she also knew how tired she was. "That would be great, thank you."

Buffy turned to guide Tara upstairs when her mother called out to her. "Buffy - can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Sure, mom. Just let me get Tara settled." Buffy showed Tara to her room. "The bathroom is across the hall - get comfy, and I'll be right back."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Tara asked nervously.

"I'm positive." Buffy smiled and kissed Tara gently. "I'll be right back."

"Hey, mom." Buffy returned to the kitchen, her mom was lost in thought and jumped slightly at Buffy's presence. "Are you OK? Really?"

"I'm fine." She paused for a moment and looked her daughter over. "I got a very strange visitor to the art gallery yesterday."

"Oh?" Buffy asked, having a bad feeling about who this visitor might be.

"A man claiming to be your boyfriend. He stopped by to warn me that you were hanging out with some new people. People, he didn't think I would approve of."

"Oh my god." Buffy hissed and rolled her eyes. "He is out of his mind."

"So you do have a boyfriend, then?" Joyce raised a skeptical eyebrow. When Willow had mentioned that Buffy was most likely in Tara's dorm room, she jumped to conclusions as to why that would be.

"No, I really don't. Just a guy I went out with a few times - months ago." Then Buffy groaned, wondering if she could convince Tara to use her magic to keep Riley away. He was pushing things too far.

"Is Tara the people he doesn't approve of?"

Buffy blew out a breath, she had been so annoyed about having to wake up Tara - that she forgot to worry about her mother meeting Tara. Taking a moment to gather her strength and figure out what she wanted to say. She had played this conversation out dozens of times in her imagination. None of her scenarios involved Riley or late-night visits from deranged vampires. "He seems to think that I broke up with him to be with her. But that's not exactly what happened." She tried not to cringe as she waited for her mother's response.

"Are you dating Tara?" Joyce did her best to keep any kind of judgment out of her voice.

Buffy looked up and met her mother's eyes. Mostly she was sure this wasn't going to be a problem. But there was a tiny bit of her who remembered the last time she confessed who she was to her mother. A tiny bit of her that was afraid that this wasn't going to go well. "I am."

"Does she make you happy?" Joyce really did just want her daughter to be happy. When Buffy had moved back in a few months ago - she had enjoyed her company, but she knew that Buffy had been wrestling with something at the time.

Buffy beamed both at her mother's apparent acceptance of their relationship and thinking about how happy Tara makes her. "Very."

"She seems really sweet. Though it was a little hard to tell in the 30 seconds I got to spend with her."

Buffy smiled, it had definitely been stressing her out - worrying about how her mother would react. It felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off of her. "Will you be around tomorrow for a proper introduction?"

"Of course," Joyce smiled and hugged her daughter. "Good night."

"Good night." Buffy rushed up the stairs. When Buffy returned to her room, Tara was sitting on the bed. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I wasn't sure if we might have to leave." Tara stuttered over her words and was mortified to stutter in front of Buffy.

Buffy started to peel off her clothes as she crossed the room. "We can stay."

"You're sure?" Tara hadn't looked up yet, still too caught up in her own thoughts and insecurities to notice what Buffy was doing.

"I'm sure." Buffy finally captured Tara's attention, as she pulled Tara to standing. "You have too many clothes on for sleep."

Tara allowed Buffy to undress her, and they crawled into bed. She was beyond exhausted, but her stress over meeting Buffy's mother would not let her fall asleep. She had noticed that Buffy's aura was light and happy - so there was no valid reason to be worried. Even knowing that did nothing to reduce her worry.

They lay facing each other, and Buffy smiled before kissing her. "You don't have to worry. My mother likes you. I'm sorry I didn't introduce you sooner - and under a less stressful situation. I was just enjoying having you all to myself."

Tara relaxed slightly. "You're sure it's OK?" Tara stuttered again and hated herself for it.

"I'm completely sure." Buffy kissed her again, more thoroughly this time. Tara whimpered, and Buffy smiled before stopping the kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Buffy kissed her one more time. "Sleep."

Tara wasn't sure how Buffy ordering her to sleep was so effective, but it definitely was. She closed her eyes and burrowed deeper into Buffy's embrace and fell asleep in seconds.

* * *

When Tara woke up, she was still wrapped up in the slayer's arms, but she could tell by her breathing that Buffy was awake. Neither of them had an early class today, and not wanting to miss an opportunity, she began kissing Buffy's collarbone.

"Mmm." Buffy murmured, and her body undulated against Tara's. Tara continued her wet kisses, trailing them lower and loving how Buffy was responding. Buffy gasped as Tara's kisses went lower, moving the tank top she was wearing out of the way.

She rolled to her side until her body was covering Buffy's, her hands drifting to Buffy's waist as she continued exploring with her lips. Buffy released happy whimpers that spurred Tara on.

As her lips ghosted over Buffy's belly button, she looked up briefly to try and catch Buffy's expression. It was then that she realized where they were.

"Tara?" Buffy looked down in confusion when Tara froze, and her body went rigid.

It took Tara another moment to clear her confusion and remember where she was. She relaxed and rested her face on Buffy's stomach, laughing to herself.

"Are you OK?" Buffy asked, disoriented by Tara stopping her path to where Buffy really wanted her to go.

"I'm fine, I just forgot where we were."

"Oh, yeah." Buffy had also forgotten. She had been awake for some time, but when Tara started kissing her, she had been completely drawn in and forgot that it probably wouldn't be a great idea to continue with her mother in the house.

Buffy helped guide Tara back up to where they were face to face and drew her into a passionate kiss. "Ready for some breakfast?"

Tara sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. She was terrified but wasn't sure how to tell Buffy.

"Hey." Buffy gently prodded Tara until she would meet her eyes. "My mother is going to love you. Trust me?"

Tara couldn't possibly not trust Buffy, so she nodded - even if her stomach was still flipping. Buffy kissed her again, and her stomach started to settle, but she couldn't help still being nervous.

"You've never met the parents before, have you?"

Tara shook her head, feeling completely ridiculous. She was an adult - meeting her girlfriend's mother should not be so terrifying - even if she had never done it before.

"If I had any doubt about how my mother would react to you - I would never put you through that." Buffy met Tara's eyes, "never."

Tara couldn't help but be calmed by those words. It was impossible to fight her compulsion to kiss Buffy - she didn't even try. Things began to grow even more heated, each of their hands slid down the other's torso until sliding into each other's warmth. Very slowly and in complete sync, they moved together until they both released their tension and fear at the same time.

When they finally made it downstairs, it turned out that her mother wasn't home after all. She had left a note on the counter, saying she had to run to the gallery and suggesting that they could have dinner.

Tara was embarrassed by how relieved she was to not have to meet Buffy's mother just yet.

"We should swing by the Magic Box on the way back to campus," Buffy suggested, and Tara agreed.

* * *

"Really, Buffy. I do not understand how you could be so irresponsible." Giles took his glasses off and rubbed at his brow.

Buffy clenched her teeth and tried to resist her very strong desire to murder her ex-watcher. When they had arrived at the Magic Box - Willow had already informed him of Spike's return to Sunnydale. Buffy was not at all prepared for his reaction to Tara's spell.

"You have only known this girl a month. You can't possibly be that confident in her magicks." Giles refrained from also pointing out the state Buffy had been in over believing that Tara had rejected her.

"Are you serious? You've seen how she researches. You've watched over her as she looks at a spell from every angle. How many times has she corrected you in the past month?" Buffy knew she was right about this.

Giles pales and takes a step back. "I agree that she is very fastidious - but everyone can make mistakes."

Buffy balled her fists, closed her eyes, and tried to remain calm. Lashing out at him would not help her win any arguments.

"I've spoken to Angel, and he's agreed to return to Sunnydale to assist with the Spike situation."

"You did what?"

"Buffy, you are not thinking rationally."

Buffy wasn't even aware that she had moved when suddenly she was pushing Giles up against the wall. She released him immediately and took several steps back. After taking deep calming breaths, she looked at her ex-watcher. A man she often felt of as a father figure. A man who had also betrayed her deeply.

"Buffy, you must reconsider this relationship. You know how erratic and careless you are when you are involved with someone." Giles said, and the glare that Buffy shot him made the end of his sentence barely a whisper. "You are putting her in danger." The last thing that Buffy needed was to have her own fears echoed back to her.

"I think it would be best if you left now," Buffy said as calmly as possible.

"Buffy..." Giles started and then stopped, snapping his mouth shut with the glare Buffy was sending him.

"Do you have something else to say? Do you not like my outfit? Is my hair out of place?" Buffy asked, trying to mask her anger with humor and utterly failing.

Giles remained silent but did not leave the training area.

Buffy did her best to bury the intense feeling of rage. "Was there a problem with the spell?"

Giles looked confused by the question until he found his bearings. "I haven't had enough time to review it entirely."

"Fine. Do that. If there's a problem, I will find him and dust him. You can call Angel and tell him that he isn't needed here."

"I really think..." Giles started, but Buffy cut him off.

"Spike was at my mother's house last night."

"What, how could you not tell me that? Is she hurt?" Giles felt this information was further evidence that Buffy was behaving erratically.

"I am telling you now." She said through clenched teeth. "When I got there, they were having tea and laughing in the kitchen." Buffy stared her watcher down. "I don't know what I have to do to gain your respect and trust. Maybe there's nothing. Maybe you'll always see me as that ditzy 15-year-old girl who wanted to abandon her calling. But I am not that girl anymore, and I haven't been for some time."

Giles swallowed and dropped the somewhat defensive posture. "I know that Buffy. You are an extraordinary woman and slayer."

Buffy nodded, but she was not at all moved by his compliments. "Talk to Tara about the spell. Let her know if there's a problem and we'll deal with it."

Giles hesitated before nodding once and exiting the training area. He had made his point, all he could do now was hope that Buffy could see the mistakes she was making.

Buffy was left alone in the center of the room, with her head hanging low. All of her doubts about staying with Tara were assaulting her and she really didn't know what she was supposed to do.

"Buffy?"

Buffy immediately perked up and moved towards Tara, wrapping her in a hug and spinning her around.

"Not that I'm not enjoying the ride… but are you OK?"

Buffy lowered Tara to the ground and leaned into her. "I am now."

Tara was silent for a moment as she watched Buffy's aura return to its normal state. She was afraid to find out what they had been talking about. She had never seen Buffy's aura so conflicted and chaotic before, it had to be something very upsetting. "What happened?"

Buffy buried her face against Tara's neck. "Giles doesn't trust me."

Tara forced Buffy away slightly so that she could see her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"When Angel came back - I hid him. I needed to understand why he was back. I knew everyone was going to freak out when they found out… and I just needed to understand before I dealt with them."

Tara brushed a strand of hair away from Buffy's face. "What does that have to do with now?"

"He thinks I'm being reckless by trusting you as much as I do." Tara gasped and pulled out of Buffy's arms. Buffy let her go and watched the shock in Tara's face with sadness. "You think the same thing."

"No," Tara said immediately. "No." She said again and pulled Buffy close. "But... you barely asked me about what I was doing. If it had been anyone else - would you have done that? If it had been Willow or Mr. Giles that wanted to do that spell… would you have just let Spike go?"

Buffy sighed and pulled out of Tara's arms - turning away to gather her thoughts. "I don't blindly trust you. I…" Then Buffy shook her head, feeling a little more than crazy about this situation. "I didn't ask you more questions - because I knew if you had any doubts about what you were doing - you never would have suggested it."

Tara was more than a little confused by this declaration, she didn't think Buffy paid any attention to how she studied magic.

Buffy could easily read the confusion on Tara's face. "I listen to you - when you're working with Willow or Giles. I watch you measure every aspect of a spell and identify any weaknesses. You don't use magic without being positive about what you are doing."

Tara frowned as she thought about what Buffy was saying. While it was generally true that Tara didn't use magic unless it was necessary and safe - she had been taking significantly more risks with magic since meeting Buffy. Her interactions with Faith being one of the most egregious examples of this.

When she first connected with Faith - she had absolutely no idea that it would be possible for Faith to take over her body. She also had never felt drained by magic use anywhere near that level. She had extensively researched the spell, but it wasn't like someone had ever tried to use it on a possibly deranged slayer in a coma before. There was no precedent for her to base the decision on, but she had opted to take the risk anyway.

Buffy sighed deeply as she watched Tara think about everything she had just said. "I know that you're hiding things from me."

Tara's eyes snapped to Buffy, she considered trying to deny it - but didn't see the point.

"And I can hear how crazy it is to say that I trust you while at the same time I know you're not telling me everything."

Tara watched in wonder and confusion as Buffy moved closer and wrapped her arms around her waist before kissing her gently. "Buffy - I…" Buffy's lips were on hers again.

"I trust that even though you have secrets - they are for a good reason. Or at least what you think is a good reason. That's enough for me. I know that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt anyone or even put them in danger."

Tara met Buffy's eyes and tried to keep her composure. She could tell that Buffy was silently pleading with her not to counter any of those points.

"You don't have to say anything." Buffy took a step back. "Let's do the locator spell - I'll find Spike and bring him back here."

"But I thought..."

"I'm not at all worried. But I have to prove to Giles and everyone else that I'm not being careless." Buffy hesitated, "he wants Angel to come here."

"Oh." Tara didn't understand the complicated swirl in Buffy's aura at the idea of Angel, but she knew she didn't like it.

"So - let's track him down and get this over with." Buffy led Tara back into the central area of the shop.

Tara was doing her best to hide the pressure she felt. Everyone was watching her, everyone was doubting her - except for Buffy. She'd never enjoyed any kind of spotlight, and she wasn't enjoying it now. Only because Buffy was standing next to her, was she able to focus on the spell she was performing.

Buffy watched as the pendulum rotated several times over the map of Sunnydale before settling on a location. "Well - that makes things easy."

Without waiting for anyone to say anything, she made her way to the basement.

"Spike? Are you down here?"

There was silence, and Buffy was getting irritated.

"I really don't have the patience for this right now. If you don't come out right now - I will be staking you when I find you."

"Aren't you getting tired of making that empty threat?" Spike said as he emerged from the shadows.

"No - I'm really not. Come on." Buffy turned and made her way back up the stairs without verifying that Spike was following her.

Spike warily trailed her up the stairs, he had been hiding in the sewers below the Magic box - deciding that was the safest place. If the soldiers did come after him, he would be near enough to the slayer and her crew to get help.

"Look - I wasn't going to bother anyone - I was just hiding out." Spike offered immediately - not wanting the slayer to have to follow through on her threat to dust him if she came near her people again.

"It's fine," Buffy waved him off.

She led him up the stairs and leaned against the counter with her arms folded over her chest. After a minute of no one talking, she lost her patience. Rolling her eyes, she walked up to Spike and punched him in the face. He was not expecting the punch and didn't have a chance to even try and defend himself.

"Bloody hell!" He roared and started to take a step towards her, then he dropped to his knees and screamed as he held his hands to his head. After a minute of that, he dropped his hands and started to pant. He looked up at Tara with an evil sneer.

This time the reaction was more severe. He started to howl as boils appeared all over his face and arms. Buffy laughed in surprise at this reaction.

Then she walked away from the mewling vampire and held out her hand to Tara, who gratefully accepted it. "Satisfied?" Buffy asked Giles, who nodded dumbly at her. Buffy wrapped her arm around Tara's waist. "Ready to get back to campus?"

Tara nodded nervously, even though she had known what was going to happen to Spike if he ever even thought about hurting her - it was still very disturbing. When she had been researching ways to help Faith - she had immediately dismissed this spell as an option. No matter how lost or dangerous the slayer might be - Tara could not be responsible for causing that much damage to a human.

Buffy kept herself between Tara and the vampire groaning on the ground as she guided them out of the Magic Box.

"Buffy?" Tara asked after a few minutes of walking in silence. Buffy tensed next to her, but that was not what Tara wanted. "I just want to be sure that you're OK. I know how important Mr. Giles is to you. I don't want you to be mad at him because of me."

Buffy shrugged a little. Her relationship was complicated and as annoyed as she was with him today, she knew they would eventually recover. "We've been through worse than this. As long as he calls Angel off - we'll be fine."

"Are you sure..." Tara started and Buffy smiled. Wrapping her arm around Tara's waist and guiding her towards campus.

"Let me tell you about my 18th birthday."

As Buffy spoke of yet another extremely traumatizing experience - Tara became more and more determined to give the amazing woman at her side everything she could ever want.


End file.
